My Dad is PapAmore'

Our baby brother "ie. lil' Odee" - video by Anna

2012-01-17T23:02:00.001-05:00

Love the way she loves him - such a huge heart - you taught her well, Papa ... ;)

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderinkhttp://papamore.blogspot.com

3 years later ...

2012-01-11T13:41:00.000-05:00

3 years today since our Papa went to heaven - often seems like yesterday = because I know he's still here in many ways with us ... See you in heaven, Papa ... xoxo

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderinkhttp://papamore.blogspot.com

Introducing ... "Papa's boy"

2012-01-05T16:21:00.000-05:00

The newest member of our family, my son - named after his Papa's in Heaven ...

Arend Jack Thomas (I know He and he and he and he are watching over him ;)

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderinkhttp://papamore.blogspot.com

Parenting Lesson by Papa - Never Give Up

2011-08-15T14:39:00.001-04:00

Papa, I'm thankful for so many things about you. Most of all for your spiritual guidance which was always evident in every aspect of your parenting. You've left us with such an awesome legacy and parental example. Of which both blesses and at times overwhelms me as your child. Blessed by the guide you've given as to what to do yet overwhelmed at times by feeling like I'll in reality never fully be able to live up to it ... ;)To be honest, I've personally found parenting to often be that time of your life when you're assumed to be at a place of life knowledge where you now know the most but personally have come to find out that in reality you've reached the lifepoint where you know the least. :SBut, I'll keep trying - thanks too for teaching me how to never give up - I use that one a lot. xoxoxoxo

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderinkhttp://papamore.blogspot.com

The Whisper of Hope I Long to Hear

2011-07-22T16:16:00.001-04:00

I still hear you whisper His hope into my ear ... you never really left us, you never really will ...

And while I slowly inch my way towards somewhat being able to minutely understand His plan ... my heart still misses our Papa, my thoughts at times still pester me with what ifs and if only.

I miss your laugh, I miss your teasing, your goofy just like me. Our inside jokes and endless banter, the dumb humor that often only we could see.

I miss the walks, your midafternoon "pop-ins". I miss having sparkling clean windows, recently fresh coats of paint, an impeccably swept front porch and neatly edged yard.

I miss your oil change reminders (oh my word, I think I'm past due), your put it in perspective talks.

I so painfully much miss the way you loved and cared for my girls ... that's what hurts the most of all ... that's what I know I'll never get - why were they jipped out of so many years with you? How ever can I even begin to pass on to them all that you have given to me?

Please whisper His hope to me again, Papa?

I miss life without you missing.

Whispering Hope lyrics

Soft as the voice of an angel
Breathing a lesson unheard
Hope with a gentle persuasion
Whispers a comforting word

Wait till the darkness is over
Wait till the tempest is done
Hope for the sunshine tomorrow
After the shower is gone

Whispering hope
Oh, how welcome, thy voice
Making my heart
In its sorrow rejoice

If in the dusk of the twilight
Dimmed be the region afar
Willn't deepening darkness
Brighten the glimmering star

Then when the night is upon us
Why should the heart sink away?
When the dark midnight is over
Watch for the breaking of day

Whispering hope,
Oh, how welcome, thy voice
Making my heart
In its sorrow rejoice

Whispering hope,
Oh, how welcome, thy voice
Making my heart
In its sorrow rejoice

(Thank Donald Ross for the reminder of the hope whispered from Him ... praying with that hope that your missing son will soon be found - http://findjesseross.com)

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink http://papamore.blogspot.com

Have Thy Own Way, Lord ~ So Sang Your Life

2011-07-21T23:20:00.001-04:00

You didn't just sing this song - you lived these lyrics ... you've given us so much - more than enough to truly and completely still have you here.

Thanks for pointing us towards Him ... see you in heaven, Papa ... xoxoxoxo

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink http://papamore.blogspot.com

4th of July Fireworks - Bitterweet Beauty Without You Here

2011-07-05T01:27:00.001-04:00

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
http://papamore.blogspot.com

Questions for AML Patients to ask their Doctors

2011-06-23T00:24:00.000-04:00

Questions to Ask Your Doctor

General Questions
What type of AML do I have? What does it mean to have this variant of the disease?
Do you know how quickly it is likely to progress?
Can I enroll in a clinical trial? How would this affect the quality of my treatment?
What is the recommended treatment for my stage of AML?
If I don't have insurance coverage, what are my options?
Which center would be able to provide the best treatment for my leukemia?
Are there any other options besides a bone marrow transplant?
When should I start treatment?
If I have this treatment, what are my chances of survival?
If I have treatment, will my AML return?
What are the results of the cytogenetic testing?
What are the results of the immunophenotyping?
What can I do to lower my risk of infection during chemotherapy?
Can the leukemia spread once I am on chemotherapy?

After Induction Therapy
Are blasts present?
Do I have any infections?
What is my prognosis? Are there any lifestyle changes I can make to improve my prognosis?
Are blood counts returning to normal levels?
Has complete remission been achieved?
Why do I need more treatment after I achieve remission?

For Chemotherapy
What are the names of the drugs that will be used?
How many treatments will I need? Can I go home afterwards?
What will I feel like after my treatments? Work? Children?
What are the possible side effects of these treatments? Will my hair fall out? Will I be nauseous? Will I be exhausted? Will I get mouth sores?
Is there anything I can do to lessen the side effects?
If I am taking chemotherapy, can I eat all kinds of foods?
Will chemotherapy affect my sex life?
Will chemotherapy affect my chances of getting pregnant and having a normal baby? OR
Will chemotherapy affect my chances of fathering a child?

http://www.amlalliance.com/questions-to-ask-about-aml.html

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink http://papamore.blogspot.com

What is Non-Hospice Palliative Care?

2011-06-23T00:09:00.000-04:00

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink http://papamore.blogspot.com

Now THAT'S (Pap)Amore!

2011-06-19T15:04:00.000-04:00

Lol, this a good photo of how I most remember you - a permanent fixture in my mind's eye and core of my heart.

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

happy papa's day, dad ... xoxo

2011-06-19T01:03:00.001-04:00

We will never out grow you and will carry you with us always ...

"Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes." ~Gloria Naylor

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

In Older AML Patients, Decitabine Showed Survival Advantage Over Standard Therapies

2011-06-15T16:00:00.000-04:00

CHICAGO—In a Phase 3, multicenter trial involving patients ≥65 years who were newly diagnosed with de novo or secondary acute myeloid leukemia (AML), the cytosine nucleoside analog decitabine (DAC) demonstrated an overall survival advantage over standard therapies, including physician's advice (treatment choice [TC]) of supportive care or low-dose cytarabine (AraC), according to data presented at the American Society of Clinical Oncology's 2011 Annual Meeting.

Xavier G. Thomas, MD, from the Hospital Edouard Herriot, Lyon, France, and colleagues performed a randomized, controlled, open-label trial that enrolled 485 patients with poor- or intermediate-risk cytogenetics, and ECOG PS 0–2. They were randomized to either supportive care (n=28) or 20mg/m2 AraC SQ once daily for 10 consecutive days, every 4 weeks (n=215) or DAC 20mg/m2 as a 1-hour IV infusion once daily for 5 consecutive days, every 4 weeks (n=242). The primary endpoint was overall survival (OS). Additional endpoints were complete remission rates, safety, event-free survival, and relapse-free survival.

The results showed that patients randomized to DAC had a median duration of treatment of 4.4 months versus 2.4 months for those on the TC arm. The protocol-specified final analysis with 396 (81.6%) deaths showed a statistically nonsignificant but favorable trend for increased OS for patients treated with DAC, with a median survival of 7.7 months vs. 5.0 months in the TC arm; HR: 0.85, 95% CI [0.69–1.04]; P=0.108. When censored for disease modifying therapy, there was a significant improvement in OS for patients treated with DAC, with a median survival of 8.5 months vs. 5.3 months in the TC arm; HR: 0.80, 95% CI [0.64–0.99]; P=0.044.

An updated unplanned OS analysis with 446 (92%) deaths showed the same median survival with strengthened, albeit nominal evidence of the DAC effect (P=0.037) (0.82, 95%CI [0.68–0.99]). The secondary endpoint of complete remission (CR) + complete remission in the absence of total platelet recovery (CRp) rate was 17.8% (DAC) versus 7.8% (TC) with overall response (CR + CRp + partial response) of 2.5 (P=0.001). Safety rates were consistent with the known DAC safety profile and without major differences between the treatment arms. The most frequently reported Grade 3 or 4 hematologic adverse events were thrombocytopenia, anemia, neutropenia, and febrile neutropenia.
http://www.empr.com/in-older-aml-patients-decitabine-showed-survival-advantage-over-standard-therapies/article/204601/

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

Just to have you back again ...

2011-06-08T00:18:00.002-04:00

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

Poems in Remembrance of Fathers

2011-06-07T17:18:00.000-04:00

What would I give to clasp his hand,
His happy face to see,
To hear his voice, and see his smile
That meant so much to me.

**

The rolling stream of life rolls on.
But still the vacant chair
Recalls the love, the voice, the smile
Of the one who once sat there.

**

Nothing can ever take away
The love a heart holds dear.
Fond memories linger every day,
Remembrance keeps him near.
Remembrance Poems for Fathers
He had a nature you could not help loving,
And a heart that was purer than gold,
And to those who knew him and loved him
His memory will never grow cold.

**

More and more each day we miss him
Friends may think the wound is healed
But they little know the sorrow
Lying within our hearts concealed

**

You’re not forgotten, father dear
Nor ever shall you be
As long as life and memory last
I shall remember thee.

**

His memory is as dear today
As in the hour he passed away.
Remembrance Poems for Fathers
The blow was great, the shock severe
We little thought his death so near
Only those that have lost can tell
The sorrow of parting without farewell

**

We often think of days gone by
When we were all together.
A shadow o’er our lives is cast,
Our loved one gone forever.

**

And have you gone, forever gone
And left us here to weep
Till we are called to follow you,
And in the grave to sleep.
Yet since you could no longer stay
To cheer us with your love,
We hope to meet you again in
The bright world above.

**

One precious to our hearts has gone,
The voice we loved is stilled;
The place made vacant in our home
Can never more be filled.
Our Father in His wisdom called
The one His love had given,
And so on earth the body lays -
His soul is safe in Heaven.

**

No one knows how much I miss you,
No one knows the bitter pain
I have suffered; since I lost you
Life has never been the same.
In my heart your memory lingers,
Sweetly tender, fond and true;
There is not a day, dear father,
That I do not think of you.

**

We think of him in silence,
No eyes can see us weep;
But still within our aching hearts,
His memory we keep.

**

Silent is the voice we loved to hear;
Too far away for sight or speech,
But not too far for thought to reach.
Sweet to remember him who once was here,
And who, though absent, is just as dear.

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

Just wait - peace will come

2011-04-28T00:22:00.000-04:00

I miss your calming presence ... wish you were still here to say "it will be okay."

If ever you are feeling like you're tired

And all your uphill struggles leave you headed downhill

If you realize your wildest dreams can hurt you

And your appetite for pain has drinken it's fill

I ask of you a very simple question

Did you think for one minute that you were alone

And is your suffering a privilege you share only

Or did you think that everybody else feels completely at home

Just wait

Just wait

Just wait

And it will come

If you think I've given up on you you're crazy

And if you think I don't love you well then you're just wrong

In time you might take to feeling better

Time is the beauty of the road being long

I know that now you feel no consolation

But maybe if I told you and informed you out loud

I say this without fear of hesitation

I can honestly tell you that you make me proud

Just wait

Just wait

Just wait

And it will come

Just wait

Just wait

Just wait

And it will come

If anything I might have said now has helped you

If anything I might have just said helped you just carry on

Your rise uphill may no longer seem a struggle

And you appetite for pain may all but be gone

I hope for you and cannot stop at hoping

Until that smile has once again returned to you face

There's no such thing as a failure who keeps trying

Coasting to the bottom is the only disgrace

Just wait

Just wait

Just wait

And it will come

Just wait

Just wait

Just wait

And it will come

Just wait

Just wait

Just wait

And it will come

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

When I Get Where I'm Going - Don't Cry For Me Down Here

2011-03-23T20:19:00.000-04:00

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

A Poem About My Papa by Anna Grace Elizabeth, age 9

2011-03-20T21:59:00.001-04:00

I used to have the most memorable man in my life
But now all I have are memories

When I die I will see him again
But for now all I can see is his body in the ground

I know he is having a good time
but I still miss him

He is watching down over me
and that does make me feel better

I hope I can see him again soon
because he was one of the best people in my life

The first one I had ever smiled out on
I love him with all of my heart

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
By his Pizon, Anna Grace Elizabeth, age 9
http://papamore.blogspot.com/

God's Words of Comfort (as recited by Papa's Mimi, age four)

2011-02-27T22:05:00.001-05:00

(of which were prompted to Mimi, *ie. Maggie Rose* by his Anna, Mimi's big sister *ie. Papa's Pizon*)

Psalm 121 (song of ascents)

1 I lift up my eyes to the hills-- where does my help come from? 2 My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. 3 He will not let your foot slip-- he who watches over you will not slumber; 4 indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. 5 The LORD watches over you-- the LORD is your shade at your right hand; 6 the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. 7 The LORD will keep you from all harm-- he will watch over your life; 8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
http://papamore.blogspot.com

My Grief - My Status

2011-02-25T01:46:00.000-05:00

It is Okay to Deal with Grief in Your Own Way

By Rosa Hayes

Some tips to help you
The blame game
Why people deal with grief differently

The week following the death of my son, I stopped crying in front of people and bottled up inside of my own shell. I still cried at night and I still had the memories that came along with not knowing what was going to happen next. For the most part, I found myself in his room late at night crying by myself and holding onto his Spongebob pillow.

I heard people from across the room saying to one another that it was strange that I stopped crying but what they didn't know was that I had stopped crying in front of them and built a lot of anger around this so called wall of grief. I was angry, I am still angry. Why don't I cry in front of them? Can I not make myself? I am a women and this is what women do, we are suppose to cry or at least that is what the world tells us. Men on the other hand, are the ones who are suppose to hide their tears from the world, they are the ones who are suppose to hold all the anger.

This is where I learned that no two people are alike and nobody shows their grief in the same way. Grief isn't something that we are taught, it is something that we learn on our own time. People show grief in different ways but it does not mean that you don't care. I hear a lot of people telling me how strong I am and that if they were in my shoes that they would be a train wreck. How would they really know until they are in your shoes?

They really wouldn't.

My husband and I are opposite when it comes to dealing with our grief. He shows his grief on the outside and many people don't like to go around him for fear that they might say something that will remind him of our son. What they don't understand is that we need to hear his name out loud and we want to know about the memories that each person had with him. I, on the other hand, have built a wall around my heart to shield it from the pain that I have felt. I still say his name out loud just so that I can hear it once again.

I have become angry at the world but I don't know who to really place my anger on. I write a lot and about the things that I cannot deal with in my real life. I write because it is a way to express myself when no one else will listen. I found out that grief isn't something that will just go away, it is something that you must work towards. My greatest fear use to be to die alone, my greatest fear now is to watch myself and the others around me suffer through the pain that we have had to deal with.

There is nothing worse than having to deal with grief and you should know when it is time to seek medical treatment. If you feel that you cannot discuss your feelings with the others around you, if you feel like life is not worth living, if you just need someone to walk you through this, you should seek the help that you need. Grief is not something that will demolish over time, it is something that you learn to deal with. A lot of people don't want to deal with it and this is the way that I am, but putting it away is not the way to deal with it. It is okay cry when you need too and don't worry about the people around you, they would understand if they truly knew you.

Crying is just another way to express yourself. Guilt is another form of grief. A lot of people will have guilt because of the way that their loved one died or that they never got to say bye to them.

Guilt is something that a lot of people will need medical treatment to deal with. Just remember that unless you physically did something to that person, it is not your fault. I had a lot of guilt built up because of the way that my son died. My husband asked me to seek professional help, I never did but I did learn something, if you don't handle it the way that you should, it can consume you. My advice is that if you are having difficulty in dealing with it, seek help.

Anger is something that a lot of people deal with. Not knowing who to place your anger on can be a never ending battle. Many people will not seek help when dealing with anger because they think that they can handle it on their own. Sometimes anger will play a role into our lives in a way that it shouldn't. If you have anger, don't let it control you life and don't take it out on other people. The blame game should not even be a part of it all but it is.

There are a lot of people who blame someone else and they sometimes do this without meaning too.

People do this because they don't know who to blame and it is always easier to blame someone close to you. Try not to blame those around you, they are your loved ones and the ones who will help you through this.No matter how you are dealing with grief, it is always better to remember that everyone deals with it differently and in their own time. You might see someone who cries all the time and then someone who never cries. These are just ways that they are dealing with it.

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
http://peace4missing.ning.com

(Sorry I was such a snothead, Papa ... if only I'd known then what I do know now ... ;)

Finally Found Back My "Happy When I Think Of You Grin"

2011-02-20T17:40:00.001-05:00

It's been missing for much too long ...

BUT NOW!

I can sincerely and joyfully currently laugh now when I remember you!

Ah ... feels like I've gotten so very much of you in so many ways back again too by being able to do so too ...

Best part of which (undoubtedly and without question most of all to you) ... is that your little girls of mine have found theirs back too ...

There's lots of new reclaimed smiles around here, Papa ... all of which have been brought on by allowing ourselves the freedom to freely and thankfully REMEMBER the endless amount of delight we never really lost in and from you.

We've really missed you, "Super Silly" Papa ... xoxoxoxo

Sorry it took so long ... and I know, bygones ... what's done is done ... am just being happy with and for the now.

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
http://papamore.blogspot.com

I want you to remember him

2011-01-11T02:37:00.001-05:00

Please tell me you remember him
Assure me that he mattered

Don't try to use a bandaid
To fix what now is shattered

Share with me your memories
Of him within your life

When you avoid the topic
You're stabbing me with a knife

Let me cry around you
Assure me that that's okay

Allow me to hurt without him
For that's all I've left today

Say his name outloud sometimes
And let me do so too

Don't pity me for mourning
All that I knew was true

Forgive me when I'm angry
Understand from where this comes

Give me something to hold onto
I need more than pity's crumbs

When you speak about him
I remember that he's still here

Pretending he never existed
Is my life's greatest fear

He never really left us
He never really will

Please see what I have lost
THAT'S what helps me climb this hill

Written by Sara Huizenga
For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
http://papamore.blogspot.com

Two Years Closer to Heaven and You

2011-01-11T01:31:00.000-05:00

It's not my fault ... I could have done better ... you should still be here ... I'll never understand.

See you in Heaven ... love me ...

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
http://papamore.blogspot.com

My Father, C.S. Lewis

2011-01-04T23:11:00.000-05:00

Oh my word, I LOVE this article so very much ... reposting here as well ... reminds me so much of my own Papa ... <3

By Douglas Gresham, Stepson of C.S. Lewis, The Maltese Islands,

My Father, C.S. Lewis

So many people know and love the author of the Narnia books. He was important to me too. Very important...

The story begins so simply. During World War II, four English schoolchildren—two brothers and two sisters—are sent to live in an old country house to escape the bombing of London. One day they stumble upon an ordinary-looking wardrobe in a strangely empty room.

If you’ve read C. S. Lewis’s beloved books for children, The Chronicles of Narnia, you know what happens next. The children are swept into a magical land where they meet mythological creatures, talking animals, an evil witch and the Great Lion Aslan himself, perhaps the most compelling and enduring image of God ever to appear in a story for children.

For many years now I’ve been blessed with the job of being what you might call the caretaker of Narnia. I help run a company that oversees all of C. S. Lewis’s writings. No movie, stage play or anything else based on the Narnian chronicles gets made without my permission. You’d be surprised at some of the strange things people want to do with the books. Once, someone came to us wanting approval to make a musical of the first book in the series, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, in which the reindeer pulling the White Witch’s sleigh suddenly turn into dancing go-go girls. A screenwriter thought American audiences would like the story better if a scene involving enchanted Turkish delight candy featured a bewitched cheeseburger instead! However, the Narnia movies currently in production, including The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, which opened in theaters in December, have avoided such errors.

Actually, it’s not quite accurate to call what I do a mere job. It’s more like a moral responsibility—a way of paying back one of the most profound debts of my life. You see, I’m not just a fan of C. S. Lewis. I’m also his stepson. Lewis (I’ve always called him Jack, the nickname used by everyone who knew him) married my mother, Joy Davidman, when I was 10 years old. Four years after that my mother died. I was estranged from my father, who lived in America. Suddenly a 62-year-old professor of medieval English literature who’d been a bachelor for almost all his life was the closest thing I had to a father. Jack was as grief-stricken as I was. And yet he did everything he could to raise me. I saw a C. S. Lewis few people knew, and I grew to love him deeply.

I didn’t feel that way on first meeting him. My own father was a successful writer, but he was an alcoholic and by the time he and my mother divorced he frightened me. My mother got to know Jack Lewis after writing to tell him how much his books on Christianity had meant to her. The two began corresponding and then my mother moved to England and enrolled me in school there. I was excited to meet the author of the Narnia books and I pictured someone from Narnia itself, maybe a knight with a sword. What I encountered instead was a bald, stout old man dressed in a shabby tweed coat and with tobacco stains on his teeth and hands.

I was crushed—until I began to get to know him. Almost immediately I noticed how funny he was. You always knew which room of the house he was in because someone was laughing there. One of the first things he did was invite me out for a walk in the woods behind his house near Oxford. Jack loved trees and animals and gardens. More than that, he knew exactly how to talk to a child. He was straightforward and took me seriously, not like some grown-ups, who get cutesy and condescending around children. He asked me what I liked to read and told me his favorite childhood books, including the Beatrix Potter stories, which he said he still loved as an adult. Most of all we talked about Narnia. We often spoke of it as if it were a real place, as if a faun or a centaur might appear in the woods at any moment. It was a delightful game.

I was enrolled at a boarding school, so I mostly saw Jack during the holidays. Perhaps what I loved most about him was how much he loved my mother. She was diagnosed with cancer only a few months after she and Jack married. Doctors told her she had just months to live, but after much prayer she made what at first appeared a miraculous recovery. She and Jack had four happy years, including trips to Ireland and Greece and—what I most remember—evening after evening of sitting by the fire at home or around the dinner table talking. They talked about everything, especially books. They suited each other exactly. I had never seen my mother so content.

Then suddenly it was over. My mother’s cancer returned in force and in 1960 she died. Her last words were, “I am at peace with God.” To the world Jack presented a brave face, continuing his scholarly duties and keeping up a vast correspondence. At home, though, he often wept openly. I tried not to do anything that would provoke his grief and he did the same for me. I was a teenager by this point and he wasn’t in the best health. But he welcomed me home every holiday, kept close tabs on my progress at school and even bought me a motorcycle when I was older.

Two years after my mother died I learned that my father had been diagnosed with cancer and, rather than face the disease, had committed suicide. I was now an orphan. Jack knew just what to say to me. He didn’t offer trite condolences—he knew too much about pain and grief for that. There had been tragedy in my family and he didn’t try to sugarcoat that. He could have washed his hands of me but he didn’t. Instead, he made me a part of the last years of his life.

Jack died in 1963, when I was 18. At his funeral I saw a candle burning in a simple candlestick on his coffin. Others say they remember no such thing. But I am certain I saw that candle. Its flame burned unwaveringly through the whole service. It was a perfect image of Jack’s love—for me, for my mother, for anyone blessed enough to have come into his circle of friends.

Jack Lewis embodied values that sound old-fashioned these days—courtesy, duty, loyalty. He was steadfast in his devotion to me and so I now do my best to remain faithful to him. What would I have done without him, alone there in England with no one to turn to? I had gone as a child hoping to meet a knight in armor from a fairy tale. I got something far better, a father who understood that what children need most of all is unwavering love.

Permalink: http://www.guideposts.org/inspirational-stories/inspiring-story-cs-lewis-caring-stepson

PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
http://papamore.blogspot.com

It's not for naught, thanks for the lesson, Papa

2011-01-04T17:58:00.003-05:00

Hey Papa,

I was thinking ...

My life has been and continues to be blessed by the presence and impact from and of parents dedicated towards being like Jesus' hands on earth ...

Because of You

I think this has been both a blessing and a curse.

The good part of me seeing the blessing, while my fallen side sometimes feeling burdened by this "curse" of knowledge that has shown me the real reason behind and for our presence on this earth.

I know that this here and now isn't what it's all about ... that our present is temporary and we are but just passing through. And your presence, in my life confirmed my conviction in that "even if" our entire reason behind everything that we (at least know we should) do would somehow be (it's not ;-) for naught ... it would still be worth it to live for Him.

I miss you ...

Thanks for tearing up while watching Shadowlands ... you've taught me so much about living ... xoxo

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
http://papamoreblogspot.com

Happy 2011 ... one year closer to being forever with our Papa ... much left to do for many in the meantime ...

2011-01-01T02:03:00.000-05:00

You know what I really miss Papa?

I miss your funny ...

We used to be able to go on about the dumbest things for hours ... and even if no one else around found the humor in the joke ... it didn't matter ... as long as I knew for certain that you would get it ... and every time (amazingly) you did ... ;-)

I used to think I was hilarious .. but since you've been gone ... well ............... let's just say I've been forced to invest more energy into the non-funny parts of me too ...

We miss you ... that's not ever going to go away, is it? :'(

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
http://papamore.blogspot.com

Christmas is a Bittersweet Time for the Bereaved

2010-12-21T12:13:00.000-05:00

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
http://papamore.blogspot.com

Tune in to hear me (Sara Huizenga of Peace4 the Missing) on "Cope With Hope" Getting Through the Holidays Special Radio Series

2010-12-21T12:08:00.000-05:00

My (Sara Huizenga) appearance on Susan Murphy Milano's radio show ... please tune in if you're able!!! xoxo

"Cope With Hope" Getting Through the Holidays: Special Radio Series With Susan Murphy Milano

How often do we wake up in December and wish we could pull the covers back over our heads and skip right over the holiday season?

For whatever the reasons, many of us have a difficult time getting into the spirit of joy, and the holidays seem to make it worse.

During the hiatus of Susan's show on Here Women Talk, from December 20 to December 30, she will be doing a one hour show each morning (Mon-Thurs) at 10am ET on BlogTalk Radio, to give those who need a boost for the day, something to help you through it, even if only a brief hour.

See the schedule below for the lineup of wonderful guests!

To listen LIVE CLICK HERE !

Day/Date Scheduled	Guests
Monday 12/20	Anne Peterson Donna Tyson	Inspirational Writer Radio Host: Rivers of Faith
Tuesday 12/21	Gaetane Borders Sara Huizenga	President, Peas In Their Pods Founder, Peace4 the Missing
Wednesday 12/22	Neil Schori	Pastor, Naperville Christian Church
Thursday 12/23	Gayle Crabtree Cherry Simpson	Founder, Hope For Healing.Org Victims Advocate and Activist, Nana

Monday 12/27	Sandra L. Brown, M.A.	CEO The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction
Tuesday 12/28	Jillian Maas Backman	Intuitive Life Coach, Author, Radio Host
Wednesday 12/29	Vicki Childs Anny Jacoby	Private Investigator Personal Safety Coach
Thursday 12/30	Janet Hosmer, Phd Pamela Chapman	Certified Health Coach Founder, iAscend Programs, Life Coach

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
http://papamore.blogspot.com

Outrageously Loved

2010-12-21T02:21:00.000-05:00

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
http://papamore.blogspot.com

She's really hurting ...

2010-12-09T01:10:00.002-05:00

And you're not really here ...

"Universal Child" by Annie Lennox

How many mountains must you face before you learn to climb.
I'm gonna give you what it takes, my universal child.

I'm gonna try to find a way to keep you safe from harm.
I'm gonna be a special place, a shelter from the storm.
And I can see you, your everywhere, your portrait fills the sky.
I'm gonna wrap my arms around you, my universal child.

And when I look into your eyes, so innocent and pure.
I see the shadow of the things that you've had to endure.
I see the tracks of every tear that ran ran down your face.
I see the hurt, I see the pain, I see the human race.
I can feel you, your everywhere, shining like the sun.
And I wished to god that kids like you could be like everyone.

How many tumbles must it take before you learn to fly.
I'm going to help you spread your wings, my universal child.

I can feel you everywhere shining like the sun.
And I wished to god that kids like you could be like everyone.
And I wished to god that kids like you could be like everyone.

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
http://papamore.blogspot.com

Papa, Mimi and Great

2010-11-07T21:51:00.000-05:00

I so adore the proud of smile on Papa here as he held and helped my Maggie bend down to give her much loved and missed Great a kiss ...

And never in a billion eons could I have realized that soon, within less than four months apart time span ... we'd be losing both Papa and Great to Heaven.

If it were possible to propel oneself into the moment and place of a photo ... I'd be in this one

It's been said so often, but because it's so worth repeating, I'll say it here again ... cherish the ones you love while they're still here with you to cherish ...

Only one of the three in this photo are still here today ... oh my little Maggie ... you were so loved by your Papa and Great ... and you are so loved by us still here today.

Forever and always, plus a year, times a google, more ... xoxoxo

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
http://papamore.blogspot.com

Grief Self Portrait

2010-11-06T16:26:00.004-04:00

I've found some sense of self awareness by trying to imagine a visual picture of what my grief looks like to me ...

Perhaps because I'm more visual of a thinker ... however, regardless of your own personal "thinking style" ... it might (probably would) be worth it for you too to "paint a picture"within your mind of what the feelings of grief that have accompanied your loss looks like.

Or maybe not, I'm still to this day trying to make some kind of sense out of this whole "mourning" thing and although I suppose it will always be a part of me - to try to somewhat figure it out - until THAT day ... undoubtedly I never truly will ...

But for what it's worth ... here's my attempt at a "grief self portrait" ...

Aimless and Alone in My Grief's House of Mirrors

My grief has often felt (and looked) like an aimless attempt to self-navigate my way through the most difficult house of mirrors ... during the dark of night ... completely alone. As each step forward seems to bring me farther away from finding my way out and back home. Sorrow has forced myself to become continuously confronted by a lost, isolated and hollow self-image staring back at me. Grieving is hard and the steps I take through my walk of grief sometimes bring with them extreme moments of panic ... as I fear that I'll never be able to get out at all, ever. Because ... during the darkest moments of sorrow ... it's just me, being forced to really look at me. And the fear I see in my own eyes terrifies my very own soul. Yet I go on because I have no other choice than to continue on my aimless search for the Exit from My Grief's House of Mirrors. Stupidly refusing to take God's Hand that is reaching for and waiting to pull me out ... instantly.

Grief Is Like…

By Pat Schwiebert, R.N.
Pat@tearsoup.com

One of the difficulties bereaved persons face is how to explain to us how they FEEL when they are grieving. What does it FEEL like to be in the skin of a bereaved person? Is it similar to other experiences in our life? Is there a way we can relate on some level to the pain of grieving persons when we are not grieving ourselves.

Most people can’t allow themselves to go to the place where they could actually see themselves in the dark hole of grief. We don’t want to believe it would be that bad for us, that we have the inner resources to minimize grief’s hold on us, unlike our grieving friends. But if we can just connect their feelings with some feelings that we have experienced ourselves, then maybe, just maybe, we can begin to comprehend the impact of grief on a person’s life. Then, after you connect with any of these feelings you need to remember to multiply your own feeling times x100 to get closer to the bereaved person’s experience.

Here are some feelings that I’ve experienced while grieving or that I’ve heard other bereaved persons describe.

Grief is like wearing a very tight fitting pair of shoes that you cannot take off. Just as you can think of nothing else but your hurting feet because of these shoes, so also in your grief you can think of nothing else but your loss. You cannot get away from it. It is your main focus of attention. And your whole body begins to hurt too. Your face will also reflect the pain you are feeling. Grieving is a whole body experience.

Grief is like being in a bubble. You are no longer a part of the world around you. Everything sounds muffled. You hear conversations, but it’s like the words have no meaning. Nobody can reach you. There is an uncomfortable distance that has been created between you and those who don’t understand grief.

Grief is like looking through a one-way window. You can see others, but they can’t see you. You feel invisible to others. It’s hard to understand how the world can go on when your life has stopped.

Grief is like having a heavy weight on your chest. You have trouble breathing. Sometimes your body takes deep sighing breaths in an attempt to get more oxygen. Sometimes you have anxiety attacks. And your heart actually aches. The location of your grief spot is right under your sternum close to your heart. It’s no wonder that your chest hurts.

Grief is like wearing a heavy coat with all of the pockets full of rocks.
The grief literally weighs you down and slows you down. Grief is not only emotionally exhausting, but physically exhausting also. Because the warm glow of life is not pulsing through your body you may find it hard to keep warm. After awhile that heavy coat of grief will begin to feel comfortable and you may decide you don’t want to take it off.

Grief is like being a traveler on a high-jacked plane. It is as if you have been taken to a foreign land where you do not know the language or the culture. Soon you learn you can never return to the world as you knew it. Grief can be pretty scary. You do not want to be there. You probably don’t know how to grieve and you may not know what is expected of you. When you try to speak to your friends, they may not understand you. Your friends know you have “gone away” for a while, but they assume you will return and be the same old you they once knew. But then you begin to realize you will never return to that place again and that others may never know or understand this.

Grief is like the stages of love: first falling in love and being totally preoccupied by your new love, then becoming comfortable as you begin to trust that your love will always be with you. In grief, as when you first fall in love, your heart longs to be with the person who’s died. Your desire to touch him or her is overwhelming. Most other parts of your life seem unimportant in comparison. Then slowly, normal life begins to creep back in and you find that your grief no longer demands the high maintenance that it first required. You will have created a special space in your heart where you can carry this departed loved one with you at all times, even as you go about other things.

Death ends a lifetime, but not a relationship.

I welcome hearing other ways you relate to how your grief feels.

For PapAmore'
http://papamore.blogspot.com

Fixing a broken heart is not a DIY job

2010-11-06T15:45:00.001-04:00

Healing a Broken Heart – Is there hope?

Is there hope for healing a broken heart? Something or someone has just broken your heart. You were caught off-guard by a betrayal, a shocking behavior, or loss of a loved one. Suddenly you are feeling like you’ve lost all hope . . . you can feel a physical aching in your chest that leaves you wounded and scarred. How can you ever hope to recover or discover what steps will end this suffering?

We all know that emotions are a vital part of the way we are made. Yet we can’t understand why it takes so long to heal from emotional injuries. We would never prematurely remove a cast or sutures until the broken bone or skin was fully restored. We must realize complete emotional healing requires time. The book of Psalms offers great comfort when experiencing long-term emotions like sadness, fear, and grief.

“He heals the brokenhearted, binding up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3).

Are some circumstances beyond healing? What about these situations:

In the beginning, Dawn and Leo’s marriage seemed so secure. Then alcohol and Leo’s advances towards his sister-in-law, Lori, resulted in a bitter divorce.
Louise wept uncontrollably as her daughter recounted her molestation as a child.
After Dave and Yvonne’s second miscarriage, they severed all relationships that reminded them of their two lost sons.

Healing a Broken Heart – The key is trust
Our human tendency is to avoid painful situations, even burying them. Can we ever trust those who hurt us so deeply? There are steps to healing a broken heart.

Release – “. . . First forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against . . .” (Mark 11:25). Lori chose to let go of past hurts. Years later her nephew (Dawn and Leo’s son) was married. Lori recalls, “My bad experience had driven a wedge between two families. Miraculously, when I forgave Leo, the wedding brought everyone together and healthy relationships were created.”
Refocus – “. . . By [God’s] mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope” (Ephesians 3:20). Initially, Louise punished herself for not being more protective. She tried to keep her broken heart hidden from everyone. She shares, “Guilt and shame clouded my perspective. As our daughter and I openly discussed the incident, we helped other victims and now readily see positive results in their lives.”
Receive – “[God] comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us” (2 Corinthians 1:4). Last year, Yvonne gave birth to a handsome baby boy. “We may never understand the reason we had to endure such heartbreak. Gradually, the emptiness is now being filled with Daniel’s toddler antics.” David and Yvonne will receive their nursing degrees this year. “We want to help others through hard times.”

Healing a Broken Heart – There is a reason
Once there was a young man who proclaimed to have the most beautiful, flawless heart. An old man challenged him. The crowd looked at the old man’s heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars. Some pieces had been removed and others had been put in, but didn’t fit quite right. The old man looked at the young man, “I would never trade my heart for yours. Every scar represents a person I’ve given my love -- I tear out a piece and give it to them. Sometimes they give me a piece of their broken heart, which I fit along jagged edges. When the person doesn’t return my love, a painful gouge is left. Those gouges stay open, reminding me that I love these people too. Perhaps someday they will return and fill that space.”

We would never choose to have a broken heart! The agony and recovery time is just too unbearable.

There is Someone, however, who had a flawless heart and chose to have it broken. Medically when a heart ruptures (breaks) water gushes out (John 19:33-34). In every way, Jesus experienced a broken heart. He understands betrayal, temptation, and loss (Isaiah 53:3; Luke 22:33-34; Matthew 14:10-13).

He is our Comforter, Counselor, and Companion who fills our heart’s empty spaces.

--
http://peace4missing.ning.com
http://papamore.blogspot.com

Crap, it's my birthday

2010-11-04T01:35:00.002-04:00

I hate my birthday now, Papa!

It's true!

Ever since you left, my birthdays have become total and complete crap!

And I am sorry, and I KNOW you would be really, really upset with me for this selfish, pity-filled, current stance and negative mindset of mine ...

So ... I'm going to try harder ... and I am!

And I will ...

But honestly, Papa ... it is just so hard ... because on this day most of all ... I most of all just miss you.

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
http://papamore.blogspot.com

He "left" the way he lived ... answering His call

2010-11-02T00:51:00.002-04:00

This is actually Part II of an earlier post in which I first shared the meaning behind my utmost incredible love for the song "I will rise" by Chris Tomlin.

My repost is due to an even since deeper personal resonance to its lyrics ... in fact, I think I've really figured out some just why it is that this song has been so life impacting to me ... it's directly because of ......... the way in which my Dad lived his.

I suppose I can even say (as much as I'll ever 'here on earth' be able to) that I can even somewhat understand why he had to "leave" us ... which is all because - God spoke and Papamore answered.

Thus, He "left" the way he lived ... answering His call ...

I especially love this part ...
And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"

I believe that is referring to how Papa must have simultaneously heard angel's singing his invitation song while also hearing the longing cries from our hearts begging him not to leave us ...

But ... in the end, God won ... as He should have and as He always should ... because the bottom line is ... Worthy is the Lamb.

Christ's death upon the cross has to hold our lives greatest meaning and greatest purpose ... which is to join Him for all of eternity ... in glory.

And soon we too will have no more sorrow, no more pain ... THAT is the silver lining of our grief ... THAT is the immeasurable Hope in our sorrow.

Hope is still there ... He has never left us ... He is still here ...

I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin
There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
http://papamore.blogspot.com

Oh yeah? Well, MY Papa is NEIGHBORS with GOD!!!

2010-10-30T03:42:00.004-04:00

"Papa's Lil Pizon"

You can't beat that connection, right??!!! :)

Out of the mouths of babes, right Papa?

You had her pegged from the start ... she truly is one little piece of work.

So as you know, our little Maggie started preschool this year at Grand Haven Christian. And no surprise here ... she absolutely, unequivocally - LOVES it!

One of her favorite parts of the school day are the Bible lessons. Of which, without a doubt, brings you much joy to see your little granddaughter's passion for learning everything there is know about His Word.

To be honest, she actually thinks of herself as pretty much THE Bible expert of her entire class (teachers included) ...

And I found out exactly why that is a couple of weeks ago during Maggie's car ride home from school ....

Maggie: "I do listen very carefully and NEVER EVER have to sit in the turtle chair for being too noisy during God's Word ... BUT! ... I don't REALLY need to learn more about God and His Book like the others friends in my school do."

Me: "You don't, huh? ....... Um ... exactly why is that?"

Maggie: "Oh you know why, Mama! It's cuz My Papa is NEIGHBORS with GOD!!"

Me: "Uh, yeahhh... Yea! He is, isn't he!"

Maggie: "Uh huh, that' why Papa's so VERY important and famous, Mama ... so if I ever don't know something 'bout God, I can just ask Papa to ask his neighbor ... since He lives right next door to Papa's house in heaven ... *pause* ... kinda like Sydney lives next door to me."

Me: "That's really really cool, Maggs ... you are quite the blessed Pizon to have a Papa who's God's neighbor, huh?"

Maggie: "Yup ........ Mama, can we paint when we get home?"

*smile* :)

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

"The" Song You Sang From Heaven

2010-10-29T21:36:00.011-04:00

Whenever we have sung this song in church, (which we have, but not too often) since you went to Heaven ... you were right there too ... singing it right alongside of us, weren't you, Papa?

You were here again ... not in a dream ... not in a memory ... but here.

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"

And although those have been the only times I've actually been able to truly feel and sense your physical presence since you've been gone ... I will not complain, but rather take anything that we might get. :)

During these 'straight from heaven itself' times, I have distinctly heard your strong tenor voice, I have sensed YOU standing right next to me with all of my acute senses ... I have even caught the very own wonderful scent that is so familiarly uniquely yours ...

I guess if I were to dissect this gift I might wonder why of all the MANY songs I've heard you sing (you did sing nearly all of the time after all, ;-) ... that it's this one song that I have no memory of you ever singing in which you most distinctly have let your presence be knownn to me ... ?

However, with all my heart, I'm just glad to have been able to sing with you again at all ... and without a doubt I know for certain that your angelic self really WAS there during those deeply cherished moments ...

I LOVED it ... I LOVE you ...

Thank You, Papamore ... I miss you so relentlessly much ... and although there are times when my very soul aches so deeply that I wonder if there will ever be relief from the grief we now fully own without you ... I above all (because you taught me) never question nor stop believing in the fact that I'm going to be there with you soon enough ... Alive Forever ... Together ...

But at least for now it seems, I have Extremely Important things yet to do, right where I'm at.

xoxoxoxo x a google to infinity

"The Song"

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
http://papamore.blogspot.com

Sidenote ... if someone reading this just so happens to have some pull regarding the music selection at Covenant Life Church in Grand Haven, MI ... could we please sing this at least once - the more the better, each and every Sunday?

Happy Birthday Papa

2010-06-25T01:13:00.002-04:00

Thanks for the amazing gift of "loving me like that" ... which is by far one of the very best gifts I'll ever receive ... I love you, Dad ... always and forever ... xoxoxoxo

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

Souls that have been Soaked in Tears

2010-03-13T18:23:00.001-05:00

My Papa (along with my Mom - we read this all together, with my girls, on our "peeks of Lake Michigan views" front porch) gave me this awesome devotional shortly before he died called "Come Away My Beloved" by Frances J. Roberts.

The following is taken from it ... I'm actually transcribing the following (so you know I REALLY want to share it, ;) from excerpts of the chapter called Hold Fast.

I think it might speak to some of you, it has to me ... xoxoxo

Hold fast that which you have, and let no one take your crown.
Let no one hinder you in pursuit of the reward.
Let nothing stand in the way of your complete victory.
Let no weariness or discouraging thought cause you to loosen the rope of faith, but bind it tighter and anchor fast to My Word.

My Word can never fail, yes, and I will fulfill all My good promises. Have I not said, "He who seeks finds" (Matthew 7:8)? And have I not promised to reward those who diligently seek Me (Hebrews 11:6)?

Not the dilatory seeker, but the diligent seeker. Not the one whose seeking is in reality only wishing, but the one who has grown so intent in his quest, so wholly absorbed, that he is unaware in his toiling of the sweat upon his brow.

Never stifle the cry in your heart. God put it there.

God puts no special premium on our being perennial spiritual Pollyannas.

His joy springs forth most abundantly in souls that have been soaked in tears.

Not the tears of self-pity -never- but the tears of devotion and longing for him.

Weep. But when you weep, weep in His arms.

Doubt if you must, but candidly tell Him your doubts.

You will be surprised how quickly they will melt away.

His love and His smile will dispel every doubt as silently and surely as sunshine removes frost.

You cannot look in His face and doubt at the same time!

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
http://papamore.blogspot.com

To Cherish

2010-02-11T00:37:00.002-05:00

Thanks for so perfectly teaching and showing us the true meaning of this word ...

Main Entry: cher·ish

Pronunciation: \ˈcher-ish, ˈche-rish\

Function: transitive verb

Etymology: Middle English cherisshen, from Anglo-French cheriss-, stem of cherir to cherish, from cher dear, from Latin carus — more at charity

Date: 14th century

1 a : to hold dear : feel or show affection for ed her friends> b : to keep or cultivate with care and affection : nurture es his marriage>

2 : to entertain or harbor in the mind deeply and resolutely es that memory>

synonyms see appreciate

— cher·ish·able \-i-shə-bəl\ adjective

— cher·ish·er \-i-shər\ noun

Love has many different definitions, and we all love in different ways. However, think about some of these terms, and see how they fit your relationship.

Adore
Respect
Admire
Show affection
Show devotion
Find irresistible
Unselfishness
Loyalty
Care
Passion
Tenderness

Honor
Do we really honor each other? To some extent, most couples do, but how much more could we honor our spouses if we really think about what this term means?

Respect
Admiration
Integrity
Deference
To treat honorably
To fulfill terms of an agreement (vows)

Cherish
To cherish someone is to love and honor them as much if not more than you love yourself. It is the most meaningful of the terms, in my opinion. People can love each other, or care for each other, without cherishing one another. If we truly cherish each other, how can we have anything but happy and lasting marriages?

To keep first in one's mind
To treasure another
To value deeply
To hold dear
To prize above all else
To treat with gentleness and tender care
To esteem
To appreciate
To treat with utmost importance

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
http://papamore.blogspot.com

Papa's First Birthday in Heaven

2010-01-14T01:12:00.003-05:00

On January 11th, 2010 ...

"I love you, Papa!"

My precious Anna screamed ... as she released her Sky Lantern towards Heaven, towards our PapAmore'

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
http://papamore.blogspot.com

Papa's 1st Christmas in Heaven

2009-12-24T22:45:00.001-05:00

Christmas In Heaven
© Written December 22, 2003 by Kris Smith

We've shared our hearts, full of Holiday Cheer
and shopped for presents for loved ones this year
The house is dressed up with garland and lights
That sparkle and shine through the Holiday nights

But even with all of this Holiday bliss
There's someone we lost that we terribly miss
And as this Christmas Day draws near
We wish with all of our hearts he was here.

He's living his life way up past the stars
Somewhere past Jupiter, Saturn and Mars
he's spending his Christmas in Heaven, you see
And last night as I slept, a dream came to me

He was standing before me, happy and well
he said to me "I have something to tell…
Heaven's more wonderous than you would believe
It's the greatest of gifts I could ever receive.

I'd like for you all to remember the good…
You know that I'd be there if only I could.
So don't feel so bad that I'm not there
There are so many memories you can share

As you gather together, I'm sure you'll find
The gifts deep within you that I left behind.
Each one is unique and wrapped brightly in love

They shine from your hearts as I shine from above."

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

http://papamore.blogspot.com

PapAmore' Playlist

2009-12-15T01:07:00.000-05:00

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
http://papamore.blogspot.com

Papa/Nana's Song

2009-12-09T21:45:00.000-05:00

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

Grief ends when we let go of the tail

2009-11-24T15:14:00.000-05:00

When Does Grief End?

Grief hits us like a ton of bricks,
flattens us like a steamroller,
hurls us into the depths of despair.
We know in a flash when grief hits,
but when does it end?
Like the month of March,
grief rushes in like a lion
and tiptoes out like a lamb.
Sometimes, we don't know when grief leaves,
because we won't let go of the lion's tail.
Why do we hold on so long?
Grief offers us safety,
protection from the world.
We don't want to let go
because we secretly fear
that we'll forget our loved ones,
and we don't want to forget – ever.
We don't want to let go
because we fear the future
and having to face life without our loved ones.
We don't want to let go
because we make the mistake
of measuring our grief with the depth of our love –
when neither has anything to do with the other.
How do we know when grief has run its course?
How do we know when we've grieved enough?
Cried enough?
"Died" enough?
How do we know when it's time to let go of the tail?
We know when we feel joy again, in something or someone.
Joy in living. Joy in life.
We know when we wake up in the morning
and our first thought is on something other than our loss.
We know when we look ahead with a smile
and back with fond memories,
and when we no longer dread the nights.
We know when our life starts filling up with new interests and people,
and we start reaching for the stars
Grief ends when we let go of the tail.

Margareet Brownley,
"When Does Grief End?"
Bereavement Magazine , January/February 2002
Reprinted with permission from Bereavement Publishing, Inc. (888-604-4673)

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

"Finally Over" Tomorrow

2009-11-10T15:04:00.004-05:00

Seriously, I cannot believe this ugly is still going on...

And I can't help but think that perhaps if you were still here it would have ended already some time ago.

I want to wish with all my heart for you to be here, especially now.

But, I won't.

Because I've since learned that, you already are...here.

Thanks for continuing to walk this "road out of hell" with the girls and I...we love you always, Papa...xoxoxo

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

Dreadful without You, Birthday of Mine

2009-11-03T21:26:00.003-05:00

I suppose upon your birthday it's fairly common to reflect upon your life...however when the past year's events included such hellish experiences...it's not entirely pleasant to do so...

So here I am, it's my birthday in three hours time and all I want is for it to just go the heck away.

Not sure why it's bothering me so much to begin with... considering that at this point in my life, birthdays are more for my little girls amusement than much to do with my own festive of myself pride...but still, this one, I feel, is going to unusually suck for a very good reason why.

I miss you, Papa. It seems so incredibly twisted to go on without you, like such a damn shame to waste away a 24 hour period on a birthday without you here to celebrate it with....

It was exactly one year ago...on my birthday, that we found out that your cancer had come back. The horrific monster of AML Leukemia once again interrupting our all too short respite of remission.

But still, before you went back in to the hospital, you insisted, despite my "no way" resistance, on having a birthday lunch with me.

It was so unusually warm last November 4th, I vividly remember the sun's heat on the picnic table we sat on, eating our Subway lunch alongside Grand Haven's channel...talking about everything while saying the most in our silence. For while I dared not admit it aloud, my fearful heart cried out inside that...this might be it. That I had better make the memory of this birthday lunch BIG, remember each moment, cherish the beauty and wisdom of my Dad's words and tuck them away in my heart forever...

Adamantly I told you, I am going to make you so proud, Papa. Despite your chuckling response that I already did.

But, I will and so...this birthday, I am vividly reminded that...I've still got a lot of work here on earth to do.

I miss you so much, especially now, on my birthday, but for the precious little ones, I'm going to suck it up, smile and have a great "remember my birth" day.

Until we meet again...I love you, Papa...xoxoxoxo

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

Precious New Find

2009-10-25T16:02:00.001-04:00

I recently (and yes, FINALLY) got around to getting a new charger for my camera's battery and as a result pleasantly discovered within its internal memory this "new" papa (and maggie) pic... ;)

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
http://papamore.blogspot.com

Familiar Heartache

2009-10-24T23:41:00.000-04:00

Everyday we miss you.

I've resigned myself to the fact that the ache that comes with missing you isn't ever going to go away.

All that we can do, what we have to do...is to learn how to just live with it, to get used to it, to normalize ourselves with the incomprehensible reality of life without you.

So we greet each morning with our own broken reflection in the mirror and end each day with heavy hearts unable to ever truly rest because...heartache never sleeps.

We still have joy, it's just now, our happiest moments also contain the dull ache of our greatest pain.

We live without you.

Lives of anticipation.

Waiting until then...

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

Online Radio Show, Hope for the Heart

2009-10-06T16:09:00.001-04:00

Grief Recovery: Living at Peace with Loss

http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/Hope_for_the_Heart/archives.asp

Many times those who love us believe that they're helping by pushing us to move on after a significant loss. June Hunt shares how grief isn't something we just "get over" but is something that moves us to create a "new normal" in our lives.

Series: Grief Recovery: Living at Peace with Loss

Play Windows Media

Play Real Media

Download MP3

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

What You Would Want Me To Do

2009-09-27T16:23:00.026-04:00

To stop looking at what I've lost and start seeing what I've found.

To live each today to claim Life Eternal.

To start each day with His Word.

To stop "saving the world" and first save me.

To love without measure within the wisdom of boundaries.

To just be, All for Him.

To let go of the whys, to embrace HIS I Am.

To take the very best care of your girls.

To delight in all their ways.

To grant them the freedom to grow.

To provide the security and structure they need.

To never break their spirits.

To surround them with unconditional love.

To make sure they'll be with you Above.

To forgive quickly and completely.

To stop beating myself up.

To learn from my mistakes.

To see in me what you do, as He does.

To not make you holy.

To stop grieving.

To allow myself to feel.

To never forget how to play.

To not always question.

To occasionally still be "a pistol" every once in a while.

To not just be myself, but rather be, a better me.

To know when to say when.

To be courageous, to believe.

To share the keys to my self and welcome (the right) others in.

To make memories that last.

To smile when I remember.

To never be afraid to show my tears.

To stop crying for you.

To be happy.

To be healthy.

To be loved.

To be wise.

To know when to pause and when to plow through.

To always give UP.

To think first, act second.

To keep active.

To follow through.

To not just say, but do.

To learn.

To grow.

To inspire.

To have fun.

To sing and to dance, with gusto and meaning.

To be embarrassing at times.

To be silly.

To be discerning.

To be grateful.

To appreciate my blessings.

To stand up to abuse.

To believe I deserve better.

To get rid of the junk.

To move on in an upward motion.

To embrace the real treasures.

To marvel.

To keep living.

To read the Word, then live It.

To pray with perseverance.

To live a life of Faith.

To put my all, into The Almighty.

To be HIS.

To raise HIS, as HIS, for HIM.

To All be there, soon, with you, in Heaven.

To tell many, utmost and continuously of the One and the Only, the Forever Why behind each one of our present earthly days.

Arend 'Odee' Lenderink
http://papamore.blogspot.com

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

THE! Most Important Thing

2009-09-17T00:41:00.001-04:00

How can you know Jesus?

To know Him is to have relationship with Him. Sometimes we talk about ‘becoming a Christian’, getting ‘saved’ or ‘born again’. All of these simply mean starting a relationship with Jesus. Let’s look at how you can do that. Here are six verses from the Bible you need to understand.

All have sinned; all fall short of God’s glorious standard. (Romans 3:23)

God has a standard by which we must live, and failing to live up to this standard is sin. God is perfect and His standard is perfection. None of us can attain this therefore we all have sinned.

The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 6:23)

We have all sinned so we all deserve the punishment for sin; where there is a crime there must be punishment. God’s system has one punishment for sin: death.

And just as it is destined that each person dies only once and after that comes judgment… (Hebrews 9:27)

We get one chance at life; the decisions we make on earth have eternal consequences. Once we die, we are judged on what we have done with our lives. The only thing that will save us from being condemned is a relationship with Jesus.

God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ. (2 Corinthians 5:21)

The good news is that Jesus came to take the punishment for our sin. He lived a perfect life, which is something we will never do. He couldn’t be punished for His own sin because He didn’t have any. His punishment was entirely for us.

If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong. (1 John 1:9)

Just because Jesus died doesn’t mean all of this happens automatically. We have to recognize what He has done for us and ask Him to forgive us for our sin. When we do this, He will forgive us and we will be made clean in God’s sight.

Those who listen to my message and believe in God who sent me have eternal life. They will never be condemned for their sins, but they have already passed from death into life. (John 5:24)

If we respond to the message of what God has done, through Jesus, we will have new life. This new life will go on forever, it is eternal. We have left our sin, and all the death that goes with it, for an amazing new life in God.

I’d like to become a Christian, what do I do?

When the Apostle Peter was asked this question he said ‘you must turn from your sins and turn to God, and be baptised in the name of Jesus for the forgiveness of your sins. Then you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.’ (Acts 2:38)

You must turn from your sins.

God is perfect and we can only have a relationship with God if we are like Him. We must recognise that we have sinned and that we can never match up to God’s standard on our own. Sin deserves punishment and we are sinners; our sin separates us from God. There is nothing we can do to make ourselves acceptable; we need God to save us. This means completely turning away from the lifestyle we have been living and turning to God. The Bible calls this repentance. Before we are Christians we do what we want, we rule our own lives. When we become Christians we surrender this position to Jesus. He becomes the person who sets the direction of our lives. So we become like Him: that’s what it means to be Christian or Christ-like. Obviously our lifestyle will change but it’s not about a set of religious do’s and don’ts: it’s about a change of heart. If we can understand that repentance is turning away from what we have been doing and giving God control of our lives, everything else will follow.

And turn to God.

We believe or put our faith in Him. And not just in Him but in what He has done for us. God sent Jesus to earth to die, taking the punishment for our sins. He raised Him from the dead so that we could have eternal life in relationship with God. That’s heaven. But He also has made everything we need available to us to fulfil the mission He has for us on earth. When we turn to God He becomes the centre, the focus, of our lives. That means everything else has to take second place to God and doing what He wants.

Be Baptised in the name of Jesus.

John the Baptist was a contemporary of Jesus. He started preaching before Jesus did. Out in the desert He preached about repentance and baptised people as a sign of their repentance. Jesus was baptised by John and the Bible teaches that we should be baptised too. This can happen as soon as we’ve become a Christian, and wherever we are. Phillip baptised a man in a river at a roadside. Paul baptised a jailor, and his family, in his house. In both cases the Bible implies they where baptised within hours of becoming Christians. Many churches today have a structure or system in the way they baptise people and we should respect that. But we mustn’t lose sight of what the early church was doing. They were baptising, or immersing, people in water as a sign of their repentance. They were going right under the water as a symbol of dying with Christ, dying to their old life, and coming up again, rising with Him into a new life.

Receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

After Jesus’ baptism we read that the heavens opened and the Holy Spirit descended upon Jesus. This happened before Jesus started any of work that He’d come to do. If He needed to have the Holy Spirit to help Him fulfil God’s will then how much more do we need to? The Holy Spirit is given as a gift to anyone who asks. Jesus described Him as the comforter or helper. He also said we will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon us: power to be His witnesses. Trying to live a Christian life with out the power of the Holy Spirit is like trying to use a power tool without the power. The hardware may look right, but it’ll never get the job done the way it was intended unless it is used in the way it was designed. We need to switch the power on and let God’s Spirit empower us to fulfil the mission He has given us.

Nobody can pray for you to become a Christian; you have to do that for yourself. But how?

Pray out loud. Repentance is not something you can think; you need to say something. Praying out-loud will remove any doubt from your mind about whether you have really prayed or not.

Repent and ask God to forgive you. You may not feel you have much to repent of; you may feel you have loads. Write down everything you are repenting of. Then pray and turn away from these things. Thank God for His forgiveness.

Ask Jesus to come into your life as Saviour (from sin, death and hell) and Lord (your boss). You are putting your life into God’s control and saying that from that moment you will follow and serve Jesus.

Thank God for what Jesus has done for you.

Now go and tell someone what you have done!

Find a church where you can be baptised – in water and in the Holy Spirit. Meeting with other Christians will help you know Jesus better.

If you have prayed this prayer today, we would love to hear from you! Send us an email using the link below and we can talk to you more about what it means to know Jesus.

Looking at Life through Papa's Girls Eyes

2009-09-15T00:02:00.019-04:00

09.15.2009

Anna Grace Elizabeth turns 8 years old today...every moment with her is a precious gift, what a wonderful journey it's been.

Her Papa knew her little soul so well...firmly encouraging myself to "never break her spirit" and to always "look at life through her eyes".

Immeasurable beauty this angel has brought to my life. I am so blessed by my darling, Anna Love.

'Keep looking Up, my baby. With God as our Guide, we're bound to see many more brighter days ahead.

Happy Birthday, "Pizon"

I will Always Love You. Always.'

Anna at first woke up this morning so sad, saying... "I don't want to have a birthday without my Papa. He sang Happy Birthday the loudest, gave the biggest hugs and always made me feel the most comfortable." Then she smiled and said... "but, I'll always be Papa's girl, nothing will ever change that." ; )

BEAT CANCER, WITH LEMONADE

2009-08-28T08:20:00.005-04:00

Alex’s Lemonade Stand Foundation is all about children! It was started by a 4-year old Alexandra “Alex” Scott who had a dream to find a cure. Thousands of children around the world have joined Alex’s quest by holding lemonade stands. Alex’s very first stand was held in her front yard with the help of her parents and brothers.

About Lemonade Days:

During Lemonade Days, dedicated volunteers host thousands of Alex's Lemonade Stands across the country during the same June weekend that Alex first held her original stands. Each year, Lemonade Days raises over $1 million for childhood cancer research, with 2008 being the most successful yet, propelling ALSF to surpass the $20 million mark.

In 2009, we celebrate the 6th Annual Lemonade Days with over 10,000 volunteers at over 2,000 Alex’s Lemonade Stands coast to coast. It’s never too early to start planning - start the process now by setting a fundraising goal, creating your own fundraising webpage and registering your stand! We hope you will be a part of this inspiring event and make a difference for all children with cancer.

Alex’s Lemonade Stand Foundation for Childhood Cancer is a unique childhood cancer charity for many reasons!

Changing Childhood Cancer, One Research Grant at a Time: Alex’s Lemonade Stand Foundation is unique in its approach to providing grants, having donated millions of dollars to support life saving childhood cancer research. Our goal is to partner with the staff at leading childhood cancer research and treatment facilities to identify the specific ways to make a difference for children who need advances in treatments now.

ALSF cares about the quality of life for childhood cancer patients and their families: In addition to funding cutting edge research and making new treatments available to children with cancer, ALSF is the one of the only national charities that funds pediatric oncology nursing grants, designed to improve the quality of life and care as children battle cancer.

ALSF helps provide resources for families battling cancer immediately: through the Alex’s Lemonade Stand Travel Fund, ALSF provides families with lodging and travel expenses up front, rather than requiring them to apply for reimbursement. Additionally, our annual symposium is free and open to all families whose children battle cancer, at all stages of childhood cancer treatment.

One simple idea, a world of change: Alex Scott took the “simple” idea of holding a lemonade stand and combined it with the cause of childhood cancer, unknowingly becoming the catalyst for something much larger then she imagined.

Kids helping kids: the concept of “fighting childhood cancer, one cup at a time” has allowed people who would not usually participate in fundraising, especially children, to raise money and awareness for childhood cancer. Lemonade Stands allow children to be a part of the change.

A simple but powerful lesson: Alex’s Lemonade Stand Foundation believes that every person can make a difference in the world. Alex's Lemonade Stands have been organized by a diverse group of devoted volunteers including inner city school children, senior centers, pre-school aged children, college students and even sports enthusiasts.

No donation is too small: Alex’s Lemonade Stand Foundation has inspired people who would not likely donate to childhood cancer to make donations - no matter the amount.

Bringing Communities together: Lemonade Stands encourage charitable giving to communities and neighborhoods, making donating simple and rewarding for everyone.

Simple Steps to Participating in Lemonade Days

because cancer did not win

2009-08-28T03:48:00.001-04:00

by Brandi Shugart

Wild and crazy you were free like the wind;

Running to and fro and never stopping to look behind.

Life blessed you with many things and challenged

you until the end..

You fought the hard fight and

though your earthly body is gone from here,

Your spirit now rests in the heavens above.

What cancer did not take was your peace within;

God opened your eyes and heart to Him and for that

alone, I sing praise to Him.

I will not be sad for you this day

because you are happy and free of lifes heavy chains.

You are singing with the heavenly choir, praises to our King.

So today the tears are for happiness because cancer did not win.

Your soul is now at rest and watching from above...

Until we meet again....Give God my love....

-Written in loving memory for Darla Kirkland-

Happy Was.......

2009-08-28T03:29:00.003-04:00

PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

~ and ~

Maggie 'Mimi', Magdalen Nell Rose

We Never Gave Up On Each Other

2009-08-27T14:02:00.002-04:00

I can honestly say that I've never fought harder for anything, ever, in my entire life, than when I fought for your life.

No matter what, against all odds, defying all logic and reason, I was not going to ever give up on you.

And You Always...never, not ever, even considered, not in a billion years, not even once, not for a second, ever gave up on me.

You taught me how to believe in me, Papa.

And I...

Will Always...

Carry You...Within Me.

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

Embrace Your "Living Years"

2009-08-23T08:13:00.001-04:00

An important learning, and an important practice, is to be more intentional.

Tell your loved ones what you think, now. What kindness you can give, give it now.

Be mindful of your mortality, and live your life like it ends with this very moment.

Each moment of our life is a precious gift. This gift can be used in loving connection with one another. What it can't do is be saved for later. That understanding calls me again to the cliff. Sometimes it's appropriate to choose transition over security, to throw yourself into the void of not knowing what comes next.

Sometimes it's not a choice. Sometimes circumstances - illness or death of a loved one, loss of a job or friendship - thrust you into the void. And then it is a matter of coping so that you can survive. Forgiveness and mindfulness in life are two tools that have served me well in a coping process, and I hope you will consider how they may help you.

To all of the people tonight facing transitions, sitting on the in-between, I wish you strength and wisdom. Let's spend some time together supporting each other as best we know how.

Another "Nana" Gets Her Wings

2009-07-31T17:59:00.009-04:00

Lauren, my dear friend and close neighbor, lost her Mom this past Wednesday. At the same time Heaven gained an incredibly artistic, serene and lovely new Angel.

It was not much more than one year ago that we unknowningly created Care Pages for our parent (her Mom, my Dad) on the very same day.

And thus began each of our thrust upon journeys of being a child of someone with cancer...

Yet along this ugly path, there was still (although often difficult through sorrow to see) a blessing as we both watched each of our own amazing parent show us the epitome of strength, endurance, peace and most of all God's love.

Please pray for their family's healing, my friend's Mom leaves such a deep void behind.

For without our greatest joy now comes our greatest pain.

Be still my soul - the Lord is on thy side;
bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
leave to thy God to order and provide;
in every change - he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul - thy best thy heavenly Friend
through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still my soul - when dearest friends depart,
and all is darkened in the vale of tears,
then shalt thou better know his love - his heart,
who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul - the waves and winds still know
his voice who ruled them - while he dwelt below.

Be still my soul the hour is hastening on
when we shall be forever with the Lord,
when disappointment - grief and fear are gone,
sorrow forgot - loves purest joys restored.
Be still my soul - when change and tears are past,
all safe and blessed - we shall meet at last.

Incredibly Wise, yet just enough silly, You

2009-07-28T18:03:00.000-04:00

It was Wednesday (1/7/09) shortly before noon, I had stopped by the hospital where you were receiving your M/W/F platelets because I wanted to visit with you and Jackie.

I had taken the video camera along as well, not to "quickly capture on film" your very last moments on earth, but rather because, well...I adored you...I'll always adore you, there is no past tense there...

I didn't know then that in 4 short days, you would die.

Although I somewhat wish to share with everyone each and every detail of the amazing conversation we had that day, I can't...because it wasn't this deep, "I'm going to die soon" conversation. As the video I captured will provide footage of...it was a simple but wise, silly talk...it was you, exactly who you are...

I had taken your little "MiMi" along as well because I knew that I would have been in "trouble" if I hadn't.

When I initially walked in the room that day, your eyes looked so sad and tired...as I now recall that initial, specific expression of yours, many tears drip upon my keyboard.

But...

When you saw her, your little Miss Maggie Rose, your eyes brightened and joyfully danced at the mere sight of her.

It's just myself and the girls now, in this old house of yours and many a morning "still" we awaken to wet pillowcases...tear stained from hearts missing you...

We miss you, "Poppy"...We Love You, Always and Forever More

Heaven's Perfect Tenor

2009-07-28T17:13:00.000-04:00

Papa has such a BEAUTIFUL voice...so perfect in fact that I'm sure all of heaven's angels themselves are incredibly impressed as well as in awe of his melody... ;)

Ways to Remember Another Rituals

2009-07-27T19:25:00.004-04:00

Rituals - Rituals provide us with acts to engage in for the purpose of meaning-making (Neimeyer). Dr. Kenneth Doka discusses ritual as giving extraordinary meaning to the commonplace. Ritual provides symbolic connection to the lost persons. For example, on Thanksgiving a woman makes her deceased mother’s recipe for cranberry relish. Only a few people in the family enjoy this dish but she continues to prepare it because during the preparation she feels connected to her mother and feels her mother is within her and thus, present at the holiday.

Dr. Kenneth Doka has identified four functions of ritual that may help in a variety of situations:

Rituals of Continuity – This type of ritual implies that the person is still part of my life and there exists a continuing bond. The Thanksgiving ritual described above is an example of this.
Rituals of Transition – This marks that a change has taken place in the grief response. For example, parents who have lost a child marked a transition in their mourning by cleaning out their deceased child’s room after a period of time acceptable to them.
Rituals of Affirmation – This is a ritual act whereby one writes a letter or poem to the deceased thanking the person for the caring, love, help and support. This is especially useful for those who never said “thank you.”
Rituals of Intensification – This type of ritual intensifies connection among group members and reinforces their common identity. For example, the AIDS Quilt, the Vietnam War Memorial, the Oklahoma City Memorial Park.

Rituals must fit the story. They must be planned ahead and thoroughly processed after completion. Certain dates are particularly troubling and anxiety producing for the bereaved. These include birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, religious celebrations, Valentines Day, anniversary of the death and other specific family markers.

The goal is to plan ahead a remembrance ritual in order to acknowledge the day both cognitively and symbolically. Utilizing any of the above mentioned rituals will help acknowledge in some personal way the relationship and life that was shared. The day is best confronted and dealt with through ritual rather than avoided. Following is a list of rituals.

Rituals To Commemorate
Rituals are effective and meaningful when they have significance to the deceased and to the survivor. The following are merely suggestions and might be altered and enhanced to appropriately accommodate the relationship involved.

Prepare a favorite meal of the loved one and enjoy it as he/she did.
Prepare a favorite dessert – share with family or friends.
Watch a movie(s) enjoyed by your loved one.
Plant flowers, a tree or a flowering bush in memory of your loved one.
Enjoy a toast to your loved one on a birthday, anniversary or holiday.
Light a candle and recall the comfort or guiding light he/she was for you.
Read book(s) or article(s) on a favorite topic(s) he/she enjoyed.
Play music appreciated by your loved one and see if you can enjoy it now.
Attend a concert/performance that would be pleasurable to you both.
Look through photo albums and focus on shared times and memories.
Wear a piece of jewelry that was a favorite of the person.
Wear cologne or perfume he/she liked on you.
Wear an item of clothing given to you by him/her.
Buy something for yourself he/she would like you to have.
Enjoy lunch or dinner at a favorite cafe/restaurant.
Visit the burial place – bring a balloon or symbolic item to leave.
Journal some favorite stories.
Travel to a place he/she enjoyed or always desired to visit.
Review how your life is better because he/she was a part of it.
Focus on the gift he/she was to you.
Purchase flowers on the anniversary. Bring for display at church or home gathering. When people leave, have them take a flower.
Send flowers to a close family member on the anniversary.
Read a favorite poem(s) or book enjoyed by your loved one.
Watch home videos and remember.
Volunteer for an organization in memory of your loved one.
Become an activist in the cause of death issue – by participating in a walk-a-thon, phone-a-thon, etc.
If you kept greeting cards given to you by your loved one, take time to read them again.
Enjoy a leisurely walk taking time to recall shared events in life together.

I Know He Watches Over Me

2009-07-19T23:13:00.000-04:00

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

Anna's Dreams About Her Papa

2009-07-19T18:21:00.001-04:00

"Do you know what I do sometimes at night, Mama?"

My precious little 7 year old, with her incredibly big, wise eyes asks me...

"I write I LOVE YOU PAPA on an envelope, put my whole heart into it and then I put it under my pillow before I go to sleep. And then, Mama! It helps me dream about him!"

I look at my little girl in awe, for this was actually a REALLY good idea!

"Would you like to share something about your dreams of Papa with me?" I ask her, hoping she will... "I'd love to hear about them!"

Little wise one, ie. Anna Grace answers... "Well, Mama...most of the dreams we have, we don't remember, so I can't tell you all of them, since I forget...but, I do remember this...that we have so much fun together! And that sometimes I am scared, even mad sometimes, but right before my dream ends...it always ends the same...Papa pulls me onto his lap and wraps his arms around me...and I feel so safe, because I am safe and he says it's going to be okay."

And then she shares something with me that I think most people much older than her, including her Mama sometimes, are still trying to figure out...

"Mama, sometimes I'm afraid to love people again, because maybe if I really love them too much, like I loved and love my Papa, they might go away."

I search my mind for this wise and comforting response for my little angel, desperate to relieve any amount of pain in her tiny, pure heart...but, before I am able to respond, she answers her own question aloud.

"But, it's okay, I can...love people again...I want to...because then I'll have other safe laps to sit on too, Mama."

"Like, God's lap, Anna." I say...

"Yup" she says, moving on now, done with the conversation... "Papa already told me that, Mama."

Wow...love my child...wanted to share the "Anna Wisdom" with all of you too... ;)

Our Papa, Arend "Odee" Lenderink

When You Miss Your Father Every Day

2009-07-17T15:56:00.000-04:00

If You Don't Have a Father Today...

Maybe you don't have a dad to meet with today. It's your day too...

Maybe you don't have a father anymore, or feel like you never did. Maybe you never knew him, or maybe he was never around enough to know - emotionally, mentally, or spiritually - even if he was often physically in the same room. Maybe you, yourself, are also a father, or will be soon, would like to be one someday, are married to one, have a child with one, or already have a fatherly role toward others as a teacher, advisor, mentor or boss. While we celebrate and honor the great fathers who are here with us today, many millions of us don't have one, and this day is for you too.

What can you do today, and how is it that you have made it this far without a dad to reach out to through the years?

Volumes of research on human resilience exist that explain your current success and healthy adjustment. Whether you are a man or woman, taking note of the fact that you do have a good life right now at this very moment is proof that you have everything in you that you ever needed to survive the loss of a father, the absence of a father, the need for a father, and thrive anyway. As someone who lost a father at a young age - and for over a decade has specialized in helping men and women overcome the effects of that absence on their dating, relationship, and career lives - I'd like to share a bit of that research, and some things I've learned along the way.

Fathers not only make us more resilient people, but our own natural resilience also assists us in finding the fathering we need. Human resilience has been defined as:

a. a positive outcome despite the experience of adversity;
b. continued positive or effective functioning in adverse circumstances; or
c. recovery after a significant trauma (Masten et al., 1999).

My own dad died when I was twenty-two, in the midst of medical school, and had just broken up with a fiancée. My little brothers were eighteen and about to enter college, and twelve and about to enter puberty. I could safely say that the particular week my dad died was also probably the week I had most needed him, ever. And while my brothers and I dealt with the loss at different developmental stages, with different challenges and gifts, and in unique ways amongst us, there were most certainly universal effects to overcome and actions to take to adapt and heal.

I called my brothers today to ask what they are doing. One informed me that he is going to connect with his former rugby coaches, his former priest, and our father's best friend from childhood. The second is going to church with his new wife and her parents. I am going to spend time writing about fathers, assisting some of my clients on the matter, and then will meet with some good male friends whose fathers aren't going to be in the city for the weekend.

I'm also thinking about personal heroes such as an old friend and journalist who passed on many years ago - Starr Wright. He was one of many fatherly people who stepped in to help me along when I needed it. He saw a glimmer of passion for writing in me long ago, encouraged it and nurtured it. With a chuckle thumbing through my earliest clumsy attempts at writing, Starr would put out his cigarette, cough, clear his throat, and regardless of my lack of inborn talent, stoke the pure interest and passion for it, saying, "You're doing good, kid. Keep at it and don't let anyone tell you what it's worth but you. Get to work."

In all of these personal examples, there is a common thread about resilient humans - men and women both. When we can't get what we need from a single source, we adapt and get it anyway from diverse sources past, present, and future. We find fathering in our mentors and coaches, our spiritual leaders or the spiritual experience itself, from looking at our father's life and his past, those who shaped him, indirectly from the fathers of our friends and loved ones, and even from our makeshift families called "circles of friends" - what have also been called "urban tribes" that can substitute for nontraditional or broken families.

We can even look to the future with guidance from men we have never even met, and will never likely meet - our heroes. Feeling fathered, the gifts fathers bestow, life skills they teach, and guidance they provide from a masculine worldview do not have to come from a single source. They can be collected and refined from our life's experience in the social arena itself, the "school of hard knocks," and the kind and competent men we meet along the way.

I'm particularly proud of my brothers' abilities to have graduated college, found excellence in careers, and a solid role in marriage and family with no resources or guidance to begin with.

The absence of a dad is certainly known to affect the young in different ways depending on what their level of psychological development is, but it's not just what's in you that matters - how you will do with your life is also dependent on what you surround yourself with, and what you do with the circumstances you are in, to adapt. To take your "lemons and make lemonade."

Glen Elder in Children of the Great Depression (1974), identified the profound effects of historical change on human development. By comparing the experiences of children born in Berkeley and parts of Oakland, California, in the early and late 1920s, he could show that children born at the beginning of the 1920s were not as susceptible to the effects of family disruption and hardship caused by the Great Depression as children born in the late 1920s (Elder, 1974/1999). The findings illustrate that developmental processes should be viewed not only in relation to individually lived time, but also in relation to the socio-historical context in which they take place.

We live in a time of history right now that has been compared to the Great Depression. And while many of the statistics show job losses taking a heavy toll on men's health and welfare even more than on women currently, we have different resources at our disposal in the form of social networking and technology, behavioral science and education. The need men and women have for a father hasn't changed, but the pressures on fathers, and our means of accessing their gifts, have.

It's a different and more challenging social world for men to contend with than it was a generation ago.

For about a decade I have contributed to teaching an online community of men who - on the surface - seek out information with which to better their dating, relationship, social and romantic lives in general. What I found in that time was something deeper than just a public need for more accessible dating tips for men. I met men of all ages, some single, some divorced, some fathers themselves and all struggling to find a role, a place, and social satisfaction in our changing society. The universal need underneath their diversity ends up clearly being a need for a father - they all identify an absent father, a neglectful one, an abusive one, a father confused over his own role in a marriage, community, or society, or at the very least, the absence of enough practical, genuine, fatherly advice from our media to the degree and breadth of social and romantic guidance that women have enjoyed for decades in that same media.

For the past several years, men haven't been flocking to the internet "men's dating community" to learn how to date. They're looking for a father.

Fathers teach us "how to use our bodies" - which is to say, how to take action out there in the world - to take our resources and use them, face our challenges with courage, adapt, innovate, and solve our problems with our own two hands.

They teach their sons about women, and competition with other men. They don't just lecture, but literally show their sons how to play sports or fix cars, or get a job that's meaningful. By example they show sons how to grow a character maturity which will lead to someday having a satisfying marriage, career, and a legacy to give back to the world (as he will have done for us.)

Fathers teach their daughters about men, both through their stories, and through personal example - being the very first man she has ever encountered and "fallen in love with." Fathers show their daughters they are valuable and precious, and will always, always be protected and safe, but that they have guts and strength and resolve no less than a man. If he can see to it, he will always be there for you to help, to remind you of who you are when you are confused or stressed, and that you are not just any girl or woman, a statistic in today's confusing social and romantic arenas, or a cog in a corporate wheel, but his daughter.

No matter who you are, a man or woman, or whether your father is alive or available to meet today, you come from a long line of fathers - generation after generation over centuries and ages have led up to making you who you are right now. You are a resilient person from a long line of resilient people. You have the right to celebrate today with all the joy you can muster, honoring those who have fathered you - mentors, advisors, teachers, spiritual leaders, friends, bosses and partners - whether they had one minute to spare which would impact you for a lifetime, or years of devoted concern to give.

It is a day to do - to take action the way fathers are so good at helping us with, rather than just to think or ponder our lives. Here, then, are some actions you can take:

• Contact those mentors, teachers, spiritual leaders, advisors, coaches, and elder friends from your past - to thank them for their impact.

• Be with the friends, supporters, and confidantes of your present life who are your examples of good fathering, and with whom you are striving to go out into the world to make an impact.

• Remember who your heroes have been and who they are now, noticing that their own best features are always aspects of yourself - perhaps qualities you haven't yet cultivated, matured, and brought to bear in the world around you. Join one new activity that your heroes are gifted at.

• Look to the future and enjoy it now instead of waiting for it to be provided to you. The actions you will take while being your own best counsel - fathering yourself - will lead there.

• Look to the future and wonder who you will provide fathering to, the impact you will make, and the legacy you will leave behind when you're gone. Start now, and offer to help someone less skilled than you, today.

Regardless of the reasons your father is not around - whether there is unfinished business, anger at him, remorse over what went unsaid or undone , loneliness and missing him, or in a time of stress for which you really wish he was around to provide the answer - you are still here and there are real things that need to get done. You don't have to impress his memory because you never could get his attention, or vow to be his opposite because he let you down. You are resilient, and can forgive his failings while enjoying the skills for building a life you inherited anyway, if only in his DNA.

Get to work.

Father's Day is your day too, and in every courageous act in which you do what is right, even if it is difficult or uncomfortable, every ambition in which you fail and pick yourself up anyway for another go at it, you're living a genuine Father's Day. Every time you pass on what you know, assisting someone with less competence, less experience or skill than your own, you are honoring yourself, and fathers everywhere. You're honoring fatherhood itself.

You're doing good, kid. Keep at it, and don't let anyone tell you what you're worth but you.

My Grace Is Sufficient For You

2009-07-14T19:56:00.001-04:00

When will I learn that I cannot do this on my own?

If I overcome anything, it is with Gods help - His mercy, His grace, His glory, His strength.

I do not have the strength to overpower my own failings. I do not have the capacity to overcome my own weakness. I must rely on God, who is faithful and just, and who loves me and forgives me.

When I am weak, it is He who gives me strength.

His strong hand lifts me up.

His grace is indeed sufficient for me.

If you could see me now...

2009-07-13T20:39:00.004-04:00

“If You Could See Me Now” song audio- by Don Moen

Lyrics:-

Our prayers have all been answered
I finally arrived
The healing that had been delayed
Has now been realized
No one’s in a hurry
There’s no schedule to keep
We’re all enjoying Jesus
Just sitting at His feet

If you could see me now
I’m walking streets of gold
If you could see me now
I’m standing tall and whole
If you could see me now
You’d know I’ve seen His face
If you could see me now
You’d know the pain’s erased
You wouldn’t want me
To ever leave this place
You could only see me now

My light and temporary trials
Have worked out for my good
To know it brought Him glory
When I misunderstood
Though we’ve had our sorrows
They can never compare
What Jesus has in store for us
No language can change

You wouldn’t want me
To ever leave this perfect place
You could only see me now
You could see me now
You could only see me now…

Radio show relating to the death of a spouse that also references song above...
(automatically plays, just click link below...)
http://thewidowsmight.org/resources.html

Reflecting Upon Ruth and Billy Graham's Final Farewell

2009-07-13T19:45:00.004-04:00

Ruth and Billy Graham's Final Farewell

By NANCY GIBBS AND MICHAEL DUFFY Thursday, Aug. 09, 2007

The Reverend Billy Graham and his wife Ruth

Billy Graham Evangelistic Association / EPA / Corbis

"No matter how prepared you think you are for the death of a loved one, it still comes as a shock," Billy Graham observes, "and it still hurts very deeply." Ruth and Billy would have been married 64 years this month. He called her his soul mate and best friend; she was also a woman who could keep him humble, help swat away the temptations and ego trips and the offers from moguls who wanted to make him a movie star or talk-show host. She was a fierce warrior for Jesus, the kind of woman who once tried to hide a broken arm from Billy because she didn't want him to know she had gone hang gliding and who referred to her chosen burial place as her "launching pad." We asked him how he was coping since her death in June. "I realize now," Graham replied, "in a way I never could have before, that a very important part of me has been taken away." And so he has a new tenderness for all those who mourn, that they will be comforted.

Billy used to tell people he wasn't afraid of death but was maybe a little scared of the process of dying. Ruth turned 87 on June 10 and was in rare form that day, celebrating with him and various children home from their world travels. But she was frailer than ever before after a bout of pneumonia, and that night, as evening came, she started to slip. The next day, the feeding tube that had made it possible for her to be cared for at home came out as she was shifting in bed; she told the nurse she didn't want the tube put back in. She had struggled for a long time, longer than nature might have intended. The rest of the family talked it over and consulted with the doctors. In the end they agreed that the tube would be replaced but only to deliver pain medicine, no more food or fluids.

Three days later, Billy and their five sons and daughters were ringed around Ruth's bed, reading Scripture, singing "Great Is Thy Faithfulness," a hymn sung by millions of people at Graham's crusades. Finally, at twilight, she took a few last breaths. Billy leaned over and kissed her cheek and her forehead. He asked his children to sing the doxology with him, and they struggled through it, praising God, "from whom all blessings flow." The cat that had been shooed away from the bed for months was now allowed to jump on and curl up beside her. And then the family lit a fire in her fireplace, just the way she had liked it. "I know God has prepared a home for her in heaven," Billy told his friends at her burial. "I just hope she saves a room for me."

Grief is a demanding guest in an old man's house. Let sorrow settle in, and in time it no longer feels like home. His daughters had the hospital bed removed and restored Ruth's room as it used to be, warm and inviting, not sad, so it looks as if she's just away on a long trip. It was Billy's habit, through all their decades of work and travel, to call her every evening at about 5. These days, as twilight rolls around, he finds himself wanting to pick up the phone and call her and then remembering that he can't. "Sometimes I'll be preoccupied with something, and suddenly I'll be reminded of her for some reason," he says, "and I'll find myself almost overwhelmed." One way he copes, he says, is by thanking God for the years they had together. "They are over now — but God was good in giving us to each other, and I want to be grateful for those memories and not suppress them." He has pulled out some of his favorite pictures of Ruth and put them on his desk to remind himself.

We asked him whether, with all our advanced medical technology, we perhaps fear death and fight it too much. "I think we often do," he said. "I'm convinced that in some cases we aren't so much prolonging life but prolonging death." Over his long life he has endured some serious medical crises; he now has Parkinson's disease and prostate cancer and a shunt to drain excess water from his brain. "I'm thankful for the incredible advances in medicine that have taken place during my lifetime. I almost certainly wouldn't still be here if it weren't for them," he says. "And I believe God has given them to us because he loves us and wants what is best for us, both in this life and the next. But death is a reality common to us all, and for me as a Christian it isn't something to be feared, because I know what lies ahead for me beyond the grave."

Graham has always been one to keep looking forward and not get stuck in the past. He's thinking about fixing up the house or writing another book — he has already written close to 30. "Over the years I've seen people lose a spouse and then withdraw and lose interest in life," he says, "and I believe we need to resist that." But it has become clear that a man who spent his life teaching people how to live is now in a position to show people how to die, with hope for an eternal kingdom that is no longer a theological abstraction to him. Heaven is where Ruth is. "Someday soon I will join her," he says. "Most of all, I take comfort in the hope we can have of eternal life in Heaven because of Christ's death and resurrection for us. I've preached this message almost all my life, and it means more to me now than ever before."

The "Everything Skit"

2009-07-12T18:37:00.004-04:00

The "Lifehouse Everything Skit," performed byMission Baltimore with music by Lifehouse, has deeply moved the hearts and souls of America, and the only "hook" pulling people toward it is a yearning to draw closer to a forgiving and embracing Savior.

Click on the video player to view the powerful and spiritually moving drama that depicts Satan's hold and Christ's all-encompassing grace, courtesy of the Church of God.

Gripping the Heart of America

Many are calling the "Lifehouse Everything Skit" a phenomena, but it is so much more than that, as more and more continue to fall in love with Jesus or revive their relationship with Him after watching it.

The skit was originally performed at the 2006 Smoky Mountain Winterfest in Knoxville, Tenn. It packed 30,000 into the Tennessee Volunteers' Thompson-Boling arena each night, and has deeply impacted God's Kingdom ever since.

In a society caught up with Oscars and Golden Globes, those involved in the production of the "Everything Skit" received a much greater reward than any golden figurine could ever deliver -- witnessing changed lives.

Numerous testimonies of people receiving Christ have been reported to Winterfest staff through e-mails and GodTube postings, providing eternal blessings far greater than most had ever anticipated.

"This video blesses me every time I watch it," commented one viewer. "It kind of puts into perspective just what Jesus does. No matter how far we go away from Him, he's always trying to pull us back to him. Then, when we decide to come back, he's there to take us back, no matter what the cost."

The drama kept another viewer from losing her faith.

"I was doubting my faith, and for me that is a big deal," she said. "I was doubting if God really exists, and why does he allow things to happen. I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life and turn my back on Jesus and become Buddhist... A friend of mine showed me this video. I cried then and I still cry every time I watch this video. I have no more doubts about Jesus. Praise the Lord Saints!"

The huge response to the skit has driven youth leaders from across the nation to request the video and use it to teach their own drama teams.

The Message and Passion behind "Everything"

The drama focuses on the spiritual warfare being fought for our souls.

At the beginning of the skit, the young woman indulges in the pure joy and innocence of finding her first love in Jesus, as He shows her all the wonderful things He has done and has in store for her.

But this blissful moment becomes tarnished by seemingly harmless distractions, which turn into temptations and ultimately into deadly sins.

The fallen spiritual forces at work begin their relentless attack on the young woman, who takes her eyes off Jesus and sets them on the world.

She finds herself overcome by all the vices made to look so attractive in life: sexual impurity, greed for money, drinking, bulimia, and cutting.

The lies that she has been told about her worthlessness and inability to measure up lead her into depression, attempted suicide, and ultimately into a desperation that spurs her to once again seek her first love.

Only after the woman hits rock bottom does she remember the true source of her joy -- a relationship with Christ.

But she's not alone as she battles to regain the abundant life Jesus has given her.

Unable to fend off the enemy's spiritual attack on her own, she puts her eyes back on Jesus, who is waiting for her call for help.

Eager to step in and fight the battle for His bride, Jesus fends off and defeats the demonic attackers who are after her very soul and life.

We are reminded that Christ already won the battle for our souls on the cross, and that we have victory over our sins through our hope and redemption in Jesus.

It affirms I John 4:4: "You dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world."

A "Hospice Experience" by My Friend, John Quinn

2009-07-07T18:11:00.006-04:00

THEY TREATED MY MINNIE SO WELL!

By John E Quinn, Cornwall, NY

I became involved with my local hospice in Newburgh, NY in May, 2008 after my wife, Minnie, was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in the left lung and brain. Minnie's daughters and I (I am also disabled and it was extremely difficult for me to take proper care of my Minnie) took care of Minnie for 1 1/2 weeks. The daughters would take turns during the day taking care of their mother. We always turned Minnie every two hours to prevent bed sores. Minnie had stopped eating; only once in a while having a few spoonfuls of food. It got to the point she wouldn't take any meds except for pain. It became too hard for us to take care of her. We wanted her to die at home where she felt comfortable but she became unaware where she was. She still thought she was in the hospital even though she could see the TV and all her personal things around her.

We decided to have her live at the residence hospice. They were so wonderfull!!! We should have done it earlier .They treated her with respect, compassion, and love. They were always checking in on her to make sure she was comfortable and wasn't in pain. If Minnie began to feel pain they would be right there with the morphine.

After a week her son celebrated his birthday at the hospice with his mother. The hospice chef prepared spaghetti for about 10 people and her daughters were even provided with a special wheel chair so Minnie could get some fresh air and see the beautiful grounds for the first and sadly, last time. She had a very happy day!! After that she began to go downhill fast.

She stopped eating, and then drinking, and began to sleep more and more. I decided to stay overnight because I had a bad feeling. They gave me a lounge chair next to Minnie's bed and I was holding her hand. She briefly opened her eyes and hoarsely said, "I love you" and closed her eyes right away and was once asleep again. The next morning I went outside for a smoke and when I came back in the day nurse said she was going to call her daughters as it would be very soon. I hurried to Minnie's room (well, like a turtle would with my walker) and sat next to her holding her hand. She died holding my hand…just the two of us.

I can't say enough good things about hospice! They treated my Minnie so well and the rest of the family as well. They would come into the room to check on me also, making sure I was alright. They made Minnie's last few weeks pain free and full of love. If I ever get real bad, I would like to go to die there also. It was a truly remarkable experience.

Be Gentle with our Widows, show Compassion, Have a Heart

2009-07-03T01:15:00.003-04:00

How Should You Help a Grieving Widow?

June 10, 2009 by Neil Chethik

By Michele Neff Hernandez –

Grief is a thief; it steals the breath of life and leaves devastation in its wake. What happens when grief robs a woman of not only her husband, but also her ability to cope with the world around her? How do friends and family members know when that widow is in a dangerous place?

The answers to these questions can only be discovered if we are willing to plant our own feet next to a widow, and walk a portion of the journey by her side.

A young woman lost her husband in a car accident six years ago. At the time of her husband’s death, their children were eight and two, and her full-time occupation was caring for their family. The car accident that took her husband’s life left this young woman in deep despair.

And then she got lost. As each year passed, her ability to find her way out of the forest of grief declined. She stayed in bed, stopped cleaning the house, let the yard go…and most people stood by and watched. After the first few years, these others assumed this woman was lazy, useless, and a bad mother. Yet, her friends remembered a kind person who loved her children and worked hard to make their lives full and happy. At one time she belonged to the local church, volunteered in the neighborhood, and reached out to others.

But when it was time to walk the road of loss, she walked alone.

After six years, the department of child protective services was called to this family’s home. The house was declared a fire hazard, as was the surrounding property. And then someone spoke up. A friend recognized that this young woman never functioned the same way after her husband’s death. She noticed that the light was gone from her eyes, her former level of energy never returned, and she could still see that she loved her children and wanted to be able to take care of them. Most importantly, she didn’t put a timeline on her friend’s grief journey.

This good friend searched the Internet for a group that would help this widow. She sent a message to a widow’s support site, and that message happened to land in the lap of someone who knew someone who might be able to help. After a volley of phone calls and e-mails it was discovered that this woman was given one week to get the house cleaned up, or her children would be removed from the home. When the first call for help was received, three days had already passed.

A group called Catholic Charities was contacted, and agreed to make a home visit. What they found when they arrived was a home that could be aired on a daytime talk show…and a woman so lost she couldn’t find a path out.

The very next day, Catholic Charities rounded up eight volunteers and worked twelve hours straight-sifting, sorting, removing, and caring. On the appointed day, they still needed more time. The case worker for Catholic Charities called the sheriff assigned to the case, and said they were well on their way to getting the situation under control but could they have one more day?

Granted the extension, more volunteers showed up the following day, and as they finished the last bits of work, a social worker arrived to take the children. As the social worker looked around the house, she wondered aloud what the problem could have been. The children looked healthy, the house was clean, the kids obviously wanted to stay with their mom…after a few phone calls she left, bewildered by what had taken place.

The next day, the Sheriff returned and declared the case closed.

What a gift this wonderful friend gave our sister widow! She recognized grief for the thief that it is, and reached out a hand in help instead of pointing a finger in accusation. This led to another gift, the care and concern for others so beautifully displayed by the staff and volunteers from Catholic Charities. They do their work without judgment, and they don’t leave the person in need once the immediate dilemma is solved. This family will receive free counseling, and now has a place to turn for help, support, and hope.

The last thing this widow said to her benefactors was, “I didn’t know how to ask for help. I am so grateful.”

Thank God there was someone who didn’t need to be asked aloud in order to hear the cry.

Michele Neff Hernandez is the founder, and executive director of the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation. SSLF is a non-profit organization committed to providing resources and support to people grieving the loss of a loved one. In addition to her work with the foundation, Michele inspires people as a motivational speaker and freelance writer. Through speaking to service groups, faith communities, Universities and hosting community seminars she has shared her thoughts on loss and hope with a variety of audiences. She is the creator of the Web site www.widowsbond.com and the Widow Match program. Since the death of her husband in 2005, she has made reaching out to other widows her personal mission. Ms. Hernandez’s various projects have been featured in the Ventura County Star, the Simi Valley Acorn, and the Riverside County Record. She is a contributing author to several websites and is chronicling the interviews she has done with widows across the country in a book called, The Healing Power of the Widow’s Bond. Currently she is planning a national widowhood conference scheduled for the summer of 2009.

Ms. Hernandez is a resident of Simi Valley, California where she lives and laughs with her three amazing children. An avid runner and outdoor enthusiast, she actively encourages others to embrace the life we are given.

Heroic Journey - Grief Support for Teens

2009-06-30T14:05:00.002-04:00

HEROIC JOURNEY is a unique 7 day experience funded and delivered in partnership with Outward Bound, and is specifically designed for teens coping with the death of a loved one. It is not intended to be “counseling” or “therapy”. It is about teens connecting and building supportive relationships with other teens going through similar challenges in life. At its essence, it is wilderness adventure sprinkled with light grief work activities.

Click below to watch a video from the 2008 Heroic Journey

To Enroll Today click here call 866-467-7644

The challenges and successes that come with climbing, rappelling, and hiking up mountains, are metaphors for life and the kids get it. By adding some grief related rituals, and ceremonies that appeal to the teens, they are moved to express themselves in ways that they typically can’t, or won’t, when they are back at home in their everyday surroundings.

The program began three years ago when Jason Stout, and Melyssa Levin, a Judi’s House Program Coordinator, accompanied seven teens from our grief support group on an Outward Bound course. At the time, Jason was an Outward Bound employee and volunteering in his spare time at Judi’s House. The idea for this course was inspired by his own death loss experiences and his passion for Outward Bound and wilderness adventure.

The first two years were deemed a huge success by the professional staff at Judi’s House and more importantly by the families. So much so, that Brian Griese agreed to help me make this available to grieving kids from throughout the Denver Metro area, Colorado, and the United States. We announced the national program only months ago and we already have 125 participants enrolled and more on our waitlist. Meanwhile, Brian has been tirelessly fundraising $150,000 to pay for the program and insists on providing all of the kids with full-tuition scholarships.

Because of the combined effort of all involved, this summer, 125 grieving teens, from all over country will meet in the Colorado Rockies where they will discover their inner strength, face their fears, and experience the support of other kids dealing with the death of a loved one. Teens that have had a parent, sibling, friend, or family member die, from cancer, heart disease, auto crash, homicide, suicide, etc. will spend 7 days, climbing, rappelling, swinging from trees, and ascending 14,000 foot peaks.

Memorable Moments
One night, camping on the Yampa River, we sat in a big circle. As the sun went down we passed the large “sacred bowl” around for the “Water Ceremony.” The sacred bowl was filled with “mystical water” and a “magical ladle”. As we passed it around, each person would take a scoop of water, and then pour it into a smaller sacred bowl. As we all poured the water with the magical ladle, we were to share a message to our loved ones. “Dad, I miss going to Coors Field with you and watching the Rockies play”. “Mom, I miss the smell of French toast in the house”. “I’m sorry I was mean to you”, “Dad, thank you for giving me your sense of humor. I miss your sense of humor.”

It was a powerful activity and more than half of us were crying. Once we all shared our messages, one of the teens grabbed the sacred bowl, now filled with messages, and poured it into the mighty Yampa River. The messages were then released to meander through the mountains and desert until they met the ocean, and there the messages would be delivered to the people we lost. After the water was gently poured into the river, the teens gathered on the sandy bank, and stood shoulder to shoulder, in silence, as the sun went down watching their messages mix with the waters of the Yampa. Minutes later, the water of their tears turned to laughter and smiles. For some it was the first time we had ever seen a sigh of happiness. The power of wilderness, being with people who share our pain and a good grief activity can make a world of difference in a kid who is suffering.

A Love Letter from Dad

2009-06-29T04:48:00.000-04:00

My Child,

You may not know me,
but I know everything about you.
Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.
Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways.
Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image.
Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.
Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring.
Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived.
Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation.
Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake,
for all your days are written in my book.
Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live.
Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother’s womb.
Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.
Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented
by those who don’t know me.
John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry,
but am the complete expression of love.
1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.
1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child
and I am your Father.
1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.
Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.
Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.
James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.
Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless
as the sand on the seashore.
Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you.
Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession.
Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul.
Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me.
Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you
the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires.
Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you
than you could possibly imagine.
Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.
2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you
in all your troubles.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you.
Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb,
I have carried you close to my heart.
Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away
every tear from your eyes.
Revelation 21:3-4

And I’ll take away all the pain
you have suffered on this earth.
Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you
even as I love my son, Jesus.
John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.
John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being.
Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you,
not against you.
Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression
of my love for you.
1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love.
Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,
you receive me.
1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you
from my love again.
Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party
heaven has ever seen.
Luke 15:7

I have always been Father,
and will always be Father.
Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…
Will you be my child?
John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you.
Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad
Almighty God

You Are My Beloved, Says the Lord

2009-06-28T23:10:00.004-04:00

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

Let Your Grief Speak

2009-06-28T13:36:00.003-04:00

Feel Better in the Mourning™ -- Give Grief a Voice

Grievers seeking counseling are often encouraged to talk about how they are feeling. What you say does get said, but there is no permanent record or "snapshot." If you write those responses down, apply paint to a piece of paper or canvas, or do a collage, the "snapshot" captures a moment and makes it more concrete. When we create our "snapshots," we may feel as though the particular upset or misery we are experiencing will be everlasting. Days, months or years later, you can look at what you have expressed, and realize that you've moved on, or feel better, or can manage to go an entire day without tears. If you think it would be disloyal to your loved one to ever move on in your grieving, honor that, but remember that all things change over time -- grief, too.

Excerpts from Feel Better in the Mourning: Give Grief a Voice - Click here for an abridged version of Chapter 13, which is called Tough Times. This chapter will help you anticipate difficult days in the aftermath of losing a loved one.

An Invitation to Give Grief a Voice: Think of this book as one continual invitation to tap what may be hidden creative juices residing inside in order to move yourself along with your grief. Don't fall into the trap of expecting or hoping for the express train through this process. Use the examples in this chapter or subsequent ones as models or as springboards to stimulate your own unique expression. Remember: you deserve a better taste in your mouth. Even if recording the raw details of your loss feels like swallowing a bitter pill, be assured that most pills do make us feel better.

May the journey you take through the pages of this book, or on pages of your own, ease the challenges your heart and soul are experiencing in the aftermath of your loss.

The Elusive "Other Side" of Grief
Grief does not disappear. It recedes. Believing there is a finish line to hurry and scurry toward sets up the fantasy that a day will arrive when we can declare, "Okay, now I'm over it." Too many people have been humbled by an unexpected re-opening of the scar to suggest it is safe or accurate to say this. The word, "closure," has lost popularity amongst bereavement specialists because it implies a similar promise that you will find a way to put an end to your grief, once and for all.

Happy Papa's Day

2009-06-21T20:36:00.005-04:00

I'm sorry for swearing, Papa...but, this is the shittiest day ever...and I'm really pissed off about you not being here on "Happy Papa's Day" and yes, you can tell God that I think that as well...

But, then...it's really not, a bad day...

Crap!

Annoying that you taught me to think this way too!

I just wanted to have ONE day to be legitimately annoyed and upset...but...then I had to hear you in my mind of course, and no longer am I "feeling sorry for" myself. ;)

sooo..........

Thank You, Papa...for being a Father.

Thank You my Papa, for your Fatherly example to so many.

Even now, amidst your earthly lacking presence...your very being...it comforts, inspires and guides us all...

Lucky to HAVE you...always...are we...

I Love You...

Happy Papa's Day...xoxoxo

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

The Last Monday Memory

2009-06-18T16:49:00.011-04:00

Remember Monday?

from
Child #8

to
PapAmore'

date
Wed, Jan 7, 2009
at 6:47 PM

subject
Remember Monday?

Do you remember Monday?

Monday you drove yourself to go get platelets, Monday you sounded more like you, Monday you walked ahead of me out the door of the hospital, Monday you drove me to my car...do you remember Monday?

Today is Wednesday and although we love you just the same if not more today, you are not the same as you were on Monday.

Low Dose Chemo is getting more Mondays...no, it is not a cure, yes it is more Mondays.

More time for you and Mom could happen, but only on Mondays.

We can't have you forever, God needs you more, I know that, I won't fight that, but please, please don't walk away from the Mondays you still have here.

To ignore your friend when he or she needs you the most is the ultimate social shunning

2009-06-16T19:05:00.009-04:00

Your silence
tells your grieving friend
that their loved one's life
was not important.

What to Do When a Friend Loses a Loved One 101

Supportive Voice Vol. 11 No. 1 Winter 2006
by Julie Ireland

Ms. Ireland has a master's degree in counseling and has been a therapist, public speaker, program director and comedian for 15 years. She owns Funny Business, a workplace-focused public speaking company that produces seminars on anger and domestic violence in the workplace, and more.

I remember returning to work after my mother died. Suddenly every door to my co-worker's offices was tightly shut. Hardly anyone mumbled a word to me. There was no card. There were no flowers. No hugs. There wasn't even a kind word from 95 percent of them. Interestingly these people were all in the human service field with years of counseling in their background. They were all women.

This group liked to talk. They lived to "process their feelings" at endless staff meetings. This was normally a very "touchy-feely" group. But bring death into the mix. Wow. That sure shut them up.

Death is uncomfortable. We don't know what to say. So unfortunately we say nothing. This is the worst possible thing you can do.

In the weeks following my mom's death, the thing that surprised me the most was reaction from others. Friends didn't send cards. Phone conversations went dead silent the minute I told callers my mom died. I didn't receive a single flower from a personal friend. But I was one of the lucky ones. I did have at least a couple of friends who called and were very kind and let me cry endlessly. Without that support, I am not sure what I would have done.

The grieving person feels shocked, afraid, depressed, suicidal, hopeless, and angry. Don't let these feelings scare you. They are normal.

In thinking about people's lack of reaction, I thought how interesting because death isn't a freak occurrence. Given that the one thing we are guaranteed in life is . . . well . . . death, it strikes me as odd that people don't know how to react to it. I thought, what if someone gave a primer on WHAT TO DO WHEN A FRIEND LOSES A LOVED ONE 101.

Always send a card. It hurts so much worse not to be acknowledged.
Send a single flower, a plant, or a bunch of daisies. It doesn't have to be costly. Your friend will appreciate the thoughtfulness of the gesture.
Bring food. This is so helpful.
Don't think, "If we bring it up they're just going to get upset." They already are upset. So "bring it up." The alternative is ignoring the death, and that is significantly worse.
Call and "check in" on your friend. It is OK to say, "I am so sorry your mom died." Your friends will appreciate this. Then call them every week. If this is wildly outside your comfort level, then at least leave a message on the home machine telling them that you are thinking of them.
Understand that your friends may isolate. They probably do not want to be cheered up.
Ask your friends, "What can I do for you?" They may need you to just listen; they may need you to call and know that you care.
Make sure you are specific. Please don't say, "I'm sorry for your loss." Say, "I'm sorry Pat died." It is always better to use the person's name. It is more personal.
If you are grieving for the deceased person . . . say that. Say for example, "I will miss your mom also; she sure was special." It helped me to know that other people miss her as much as I do.
Know that grieving isn't something that ends in six months, or a year. People have subliminal attitudes such as "Aren't you over it? . . . It has been a year already."
Send them a book on grief. That helps. Really.
Don't overlook the child or teen who is grieving. They are just as hurt and confused as you would be. There are books written especially for them.
Go to the funeral . . . to support your friends. They will never forget that you showed up. You do not need to have known the deceased.
It is OK to say, "I don't know what to say."
Offer to pick up the children. Offer to finish that report. Offer to pick up the dry-cleaning. Often they feel helpless to take care of the mundane tasks.
Be extra sensitive for milestones. Acknowledge that it's been one year since the loved one died. Be aware that it's Mother's Day and the person is feeling especially alone. Or Valentine's Day for the loss of a partner. Or the deceased person's birthday. Or the first Thanksgiving without their family member or friend.
Your friend may be angry with God, the world, and the deceased. This is normal.
Be aware they may feel guilt.
Tell stories about the person who died; they are cherished.
People think that death is contagious. It is not.

Don't say:

"They are in a better place."
"You need to see a therapist." They already feel low; they don't need your implication that they are crazy too or that their grief is inappropriate.
"Aren't you over it?" The pain takes years to subside.
"You are lucky you still have a husband" (or children) or whatever. They do not feel lucky.
"You will get over it." You never get over it.
"Thank God I still have my mom, I don't know what I would do." This is extremely insensitive.

The second year after a death is very hard because everyone thinks it is behind you. However, the bereaved still need support.

Your silence tells your grieving friend that their loved one's life was not important.

After a death we feel lonely. It is a loneliness that goes deep. If anyone ever needed a friend it is now. To ignore your friend when he or she needs you the most is the ultimate social shunning. One day, you too will experience a profound loss. Consider how you would like to be treated.

I Think I'd Rather Learn More About Heaven Than Try To Understand Grief

2009-06-15T17:54:00.001-04:00

Well, some glad morning when this life is oer,
I'll fly away.
To a home on God's celestial shore,
I'll fly away.

Oh, I'll fly away, O Glory,
I'll fly away
When I die, Hallelujah, bye and bye,
I'll fly away.

When the shadows of this life have gone,
I'll fly away.
Like a bird from prison bars have flown,
I'll fly away.

Oh, I'll fly away, O Glory,
I'll fly away.
When I die, Hallelujah, bye and bye,
I'll fly away.

--- Instrumental ---

Well, just a few more weary days and then,
I'll fly away.
To a land where joy shall never end,
I'll fly away.

Oh, I'll fly away, O Glory,
I'll fly away.
When I die, Hallelujah, bye and bye,
I'll fly away.

Oh, I'll fly away, O Glory,
I'll fly away.
When I die, Hallelujah, bye and bye,
I'll fly away...

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

World Blood Donor Day, June 14th, 2009

2009-06-13T11:50:00.002-04:00

World Blood Donor Day

http://www.wbdd.org/

June 14, 2009

Objective:
World Blood Donor Day is day dedicated to thanking and celebrating voluntary non-remunerated blood donors.

Millions of people owe their lives to people they will never meet – people who donate their blood freely and without any reward. However, the overwhelming majority of the world’s population do not have access to safe blood. Over 80 million units of blood are donated every year, but only 38% are collected in developing countries where 82% of the global population live.

In addition, many countries remain dependent on donation by the families or friends of patients who require blood and, in some countries, blood donors still receive payment.Yet evidence from around the world demonstrates that voluntary unpaid donors are the foundation of a safe blood supply because they are least likely to transmit potentially life-threatening infections, such as HIV and hepatitis viruses, to the recipients of their blood. It is to these unsung heroes that World Blood Donor Day is dedicated.

World Blood Donor Day builds on the success of World Health Day 2000 which was devoted to the theme ‘Blood Saves Lives. Safe Blood Starts With Me. The enthusiasm and energy with which this day was celebrated indicated that there would be a positive response to an opportunity to give thanks to the millions of people who give the precious gift of life. It also builds on International Blood Donor Day organized annually by the International Federation of Blood Donor Organizations since 1995.

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Groundbreaking Research Leading to a Potential Cure for Cancer

2009-06-08T19:00:00.002-04:00

CANCER RESEARCH

Staff Writer ( news@nbc40.net ) - 6/4/09 02:27 pm

E-mail Story Print Story

THERE'S INTERESTING RESEARCH ON A DISEASE THAT HAS NO CURE.

ROBIN STOLOFF HAS THE DETAILS IN TONIGHT'S LIFELINE.

THAT'S RIGHT MICHELLE.
THERE IS POTENTIALLY GROUNDBREAKING RESEARCH IN THE NORTHEAST THAT COULD LEAD TO A CURE FOR SOME BREAST CANCER PATIENTS.

IT LOOKS LIKE A TYPICAL MEDICAL LAB. BUT THE WORK HERE IS ANYTHING BUT TYPICAL. RESEARCHERS HERE ARE TRYING TO FIND A CURE FOR A DISEASE THAT HAS NONE.

(SOT: Dr. Richard Junghans, Researcher)
"And right now with the recent award which we got, I think we have a decent chance of doing it."

A DECENT CHANCE OF CURING METASTATIC, OR BREAST CANCER THAT'S SPREAD.

SO WHAT THEY'RE WORKING WITH ARE T–CELLS.

(SOT: Dr. Richard Junghans, Researcher)
"T–cells are our own normal white blood cells that evolve to kill virus infected cells."

LIKE THE INFLUENZA VIRUS ... CHECK THIS OUT.

(SOT: Dr. Richard Junghans, Researcher)
"This shows a t–cell, a small cell here attached to a virus infected cell and the t–cell's doing a lot of signaling through its surface and putting holes in the cell and POOF, you see like that it goes up and explodes and now the cell shrinks."
AND IT DIES. PROBLEM IS OUR OWN T–CELLS DON'T RECOGNIZE CANCER CELLS.

(SOT: Dr. Richard Junghans, Researcher)
"So our goal with this new technology is to fool the t–cells in to thinking the cancer has a virus infection."
SO FAR IN THE LAB, SO GOOD.

(SOT: Dr. Richard Junghans, Researcher)
"We can cure cancer in mice."
NOW DR. RICHARD JUNGHANS SAYS IT'S READY FOR PRIME TIME TO BE TESTED ON PATIENTS. THAT WILL INVOLVE REMOVING T–CELLS FROM THE PATIENT.

(SOT: Dr. Richard Junghans, Researcher)
"And then we manipulate them in the laboratory using gene therapy techniques to modify them — we expand them and then re–introduce them back to the patient and hopefully they'll go as little marauders throughout the body anywhere the cancer is to eliminate it and cure the patient in the same way that a virus infection is cured."

WE WILL KEEP OUR FINGERS CROSSED FOR THE RESULTS TO PROVE POSITIVE IN HUMAN PATIENTS.

http://www.nbc40.net/view_story.php?id=9490

Several reports have questioned the necessity of keeping AML patients in the hospital after chemotherapy till full neutrophil count recovery.

2009-06-08T13:55:00.005-04:00

Shifting to outpatient management of acute myeloid leukemia: a prospective experience

Thanks to the availability of an emergency unit specifically dedicated to out-patients with hematologic diseases, selected out-hospital management of AML patients during post-consolidation cytopenia is a feasible, well accepted and cost-saving option, and can contribute to lower the risk of developing severe nosocomial infections. The empiric therapy with once-a-day ceftriaxone plus amikacin was effective, with the exception of staphylococcal infections, and made it possible to discharge patients early to continue treatment in an out-patient setting.

Early Discharge and Outpatient Care After Chemotherapy in Patients With Myelodysplastic Syndrome or Acute Myeloid Leukemia

RATIONALE: Gathering information about patients with myelodysplastic syndrome or acute myeloid leukemia who are discharged after finishing chemotherapy, or who stay in the hospital until blood counts return to normal, may help doctors learn more about a patient's quality of life, use of medical services, and the cost of these services.

PURPOSE: This clinical trial is studying early discharge and outpatient care in patients who have undergone chemotherapy for myelodysplastic syndrome or acute myeloid leukemia.

*Within 72 hours after completion of induction chemotherapy, patients are discharged from the hospital.

Early discharge from hospital after consolidation chemotherapy in acute myeloid leukemia in remission: febrile neutropenic episodes and their outcome in a resource poor setting

In recent years, several reports have questioned the necessityof keeping patients in hospital after chemotherapy till fullneutrophil count recovery. This study shows that selected patients can be discharged andgiven domiciliary treatment safely, even with inadequate homecare facilities.

These data are important as there has been lingering concern that Neupogen could increase the relapse rate by stimulating myeloid blasts. However, this study clearly demonstrates that Neupogen, and by extrapolation the more commonly used Neulasta® (pegfilgrastim), can be used safely in patients with AML.

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Papa's Spirit Will Never Die

2009-06-07T21:42:00.000-04:00

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

If the leukemia keeps coming back...

2009-06-07T17:25:00.015-04:00

If the leukemia keeps coming back or doesn't go away, further chemotherapy treatment will probably not be very helpful. If a stem cell transplant is not an option, a patient may want to consider taking part in a clinical trial of newer treatments.

Those who want to continue treatment to fight the leukemia as long as they can need to consider the odds of more treatment having any benefit. In many cases, the doctor can estimate the response rate for the treatment being considered. Some people are tempted to try more chemotherapy, for example, even when their doctors say that the odds of benefit are less than 1%. In this situation, it is important to think about and understand the reasons for choosing this plan.

Palliative Treatment

If a clinical trial is not an option, it is important at this time to focus on relieving the symptoms of the leukemia. This is known as palliative treatment. The doctor may advise less intensive chemotherapy with the goal of slowing the leukemia growth instead of trying to cure it.

As the leukemia grows in the bone marrow it may cause pain. It is important to treat it with radiation or appropriate pain-killing medicines. If medicines such as aspirin and ibuprofen don't help with the pain, more potent opioid medicines such as morphine are likely to be helpful.

Other common symptoms from leukemia are low blood counts and fatigue. Medicines or blood transfusions may be needed to help correct these problems. Nausea and loss of appetite can be treated with medicines and high calorie food supplements. Infections that occur may be treated with antibiotics.

At some point, a patient may benefit from hospice care. Most of the time, this can be given at home. The leukemia may be causing symptoms or problems that need attention, and hospice focuses on the patient's comfort. Receiving hospice care doesn't mean you can't have treatment for the problems caused by the cancer or other health conditions. It just means that the focus of care is on living life as fully as possible and feeling as well as one can at this difficult stage.

Remember also that maintaining hope is important. The hope for a cure may not be as bright, but there is still hope for good times with family and friends -- times that can bring happiness and meaning. In a way, pausing at this time in your cancer treatment is an opportunity to refocus on the most important things in your life. This is the time to do some things you've always wanted to do and to stop doing the things you no longer want to do.

Last Medical Review: 08/03/2007
Last Revised: 05/14/2009

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Do You Want to Save Someone's Life?

2009-06-06T18:03:00.001-04:00

Two years ago I donated 6,000,000 stem cells to an unrelated recipient who was diagnosed with leukemia.

I didn't know his name, where he lived or who he was. I had joined the National Marrow Donor Program's Registry when I was 19, but never thought I'd get the call since my Korean and Jewish background isn't exactly common and most matches occur because of a shared ethnic background. But in December of 2006, right before the holidays, I got the call that would change my life - and my recipient's - forever.

All I was told was that this man was 29 years old and dying. I was the exact same age, but I was perfectly healthy, working as a journalist in Los Angeles and interviewing the world's most interesting and glamorous people. A few weeks later I was at UCLA Medical Center donating stem cells for eight hours. It didn't hurt, it wasn't scary and yes, I would do it again - in a heartbeat. Maybe you've never heard of the Registry. Or perhaps you have a misconception that it's painful to donate. I'm here to tell you that it's not. So why not join and have the chance to save a life?

This week, the National Marrow Donor Program renames its donor and umbilical cord blood registry, Be The Match. "There's a lack of accurate information regarding the procedures and the need," says National Marrow Donor Program Account Executive of Recruitment Anna Marie Cruz. "People are always shocked to discover that stem cell collection is the more common procedure used today and how simple it is to complete the marrow collection, which is the other possible procedure."

With so many different tissue types in the world, the challenge of finding the perfect match for a dying patient is hard to comprehend. The more people who join the Registry mean the more recipients who will get a second chance at life. "Be the Match is a call to action," says Jeffrey W. Chell, M.D., and CEO of NMDP. "You could be the one to save a life." Since tissue types are inherited, patients are most likely to match someone of their own race or ethnicity. There is a desperate need for African American, American Indian, Asian, Native Hawaiian or Pacific Islander, Hispanic or Latino and multiracial donors.

Two year-old Hunter Zen Thawley, who has AML leukemia, found a match on the Be The Match Registry. His transplant is scheduled for next month.

By joining the Registry (which requires a simple cheek swab) you may be identified as a match for someone or you may never match anyone. But, like me, you may be the sole person on the registry of 12 million who can save a patient's life. Seventy percent of patients in need of a transplant do not have a matching donor in their family. Families, like the one behind the blog Healing Hunter, are dependent on the Be the Match Registry to find a match - and save a life.

Donating stem cells to my recipient has been the single best thing I've ever done. Waiting a year to find out if my recipient had survived was tough, but when I got that call and heard his voice, it was one of the most amazing moments of my life. We send each other cards, talk on the phone and had the chance to meet in person last November. He thanks me for saving his life, but I feel like thanking him for giving purpose to mine. While I'm not religious, I sometimes wonder if I was put on this earth for this reason.

My recipient's girlfriend Maria, who spent more than 100 days in the hospital with my recipient, Jaciel met my boyfriend Tim and I in Miami last November. Jaciel lives in Fort Myers, Florida and works as a cook.

Thousands of patients diagnosed with leukemia and other life-threatening diseases depend on you to find a match. Wondering what can you do? Grow the registry by becoming a donor, make a tax-deductible contribution or volunteer your time. Since 1987, the NMDP has provided more than 35,000 unrelated transplants to help give patients a second chance at life. Donors never pay for donating and are not paid to donate.

What is stopping you from joining the Be The Match Registry?

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Easy Way to Help Find a Cure for Cancer

2009-06-06T14:21:00.005-04:00

An estimated 74,340 new cases of lymphoma will occur in 2008.

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Don't Be Stupid...This is Life or Death...Get a 2nd Opinion

2009-06-06T04:12:00.001-04:00

Second Opinions: Know Your Rights and Options

By Patient Advocate Foundation

Decisions concerning healthcare are among the most important in a person’s life. Many people confronted with a cancer diagnosis feel that they must make a decision and begin treatment as soon as possible. Though this may be true in some instances, taking the time to educate yourself about your disease, seeking a second opinion—or perhaps even further opinions—and weighing your alternatives is a very reasonable course of action. Decisions regarding healthcare should be made only after you have been thoroughly informed about the details of your diagnosis, prognosis, the treatment plans available, and whether the care will be provided at a local or national facility. Proactive decision-making gives a greater degree of control over treatments and will allow you to seek the most appropriate treatment for your diagnosis.

Patient Advocate Foundation (PAF) is a national nonprofit organization that seeks to safeguard patients through effective mediation to ensure access to care, maintenance of employment, and preservation of financial stability. PAF has increasingly seen issues related to patient uncertainty when seeking second opinions, and we would like to share some steps to consider.

Patient Rights

One of the most important rights of every patient is the ability to obtain a second opinion regarding a diagnosis. And yet statistics show that more than one-third of U.S. adults will never seek a second opinion, and almost one-tenth of newly diagnosed patients do not understand their diagnosis. Becoming educated about your diagnosis is critical as you plan your treatment and work with your healthcare team. Now, when many cancers are more treatable than ever before, it’s essential that patients also understand the importance of their right to an accurate diagnosis and to a comprehensive review of all the treatment options. Only when you’re armed with all the information and all the options can you benefit from the many advances being made.

Why You Should Get a Second Opinion

A different doctor may come up with a different diagnosis or offer a different opinion as to treatment options. Factors that may influence a doctor’s opinion include the technology that is available to that doctor, where the doctor received his or her training, and his or her experience in dealing with that particular diagnosis.

Beyond the basic desire for more information and a review of different treatment options, some of the reasons that inspire patients to seek a second opinion include: an initial diagnosis by a non-cancer specialist, an apparent lack of treatment options, a diagnosis with a rare cancer, residency in a rural area that may not see a large volume of cancer patients, a need for specialized treatments, and questions about the operability of a cancer.

While patients might worry that getting second opinions will be awkward or might seem like “bad etiquette,” the reality is that getting a second opinion is standard practice in cancer treatment. You should not worry about hurting your doctor’s feelings. Your primary focus should be finding the most appropriate care and the best information to manage your diagnosis so that you can feel confident about your care. By communicating openly with your primary physician, you will be assured that all the necessary records are exchanged, and you will find that, in general, the process will be smooth and should be free of tension. In addition, by acting promptly to secure a second opinion, you will ensure that your treatment and recovery are not unnecessarily delayed.

Any worries regarding the awkwardness of the situation should certainly not stop you from pursuing a second opinion, especially as studies have shown that for 30 percent of patients who sought second opinions for elective surgery, the two opinions were not in agreement. In addition, 18 percent of those who were required to obtain a second opinion by their insurance company also found that the opinions of two doctors differed.

Ultimately, all the effort will be well worth any challenges that arise. When you have taken the time to get a second opinion and the second doctor’s opinion is the same as or similar to the first doctor’s opinion, you will be confident in the care you’re receiving. Because serious illnesses like cancer may require prolonged treatments, this confidence in having chosen the best treatment for your particular situation will be important throughout your journey. And, if you receive different opinions, you will proceed knowing that you have been educated and have made an informed decision based on more than one expert’s opinion.

Medically No More Options AML? Wrong! Do Not Give Up!

2009-06-06T03:35:00.002-04:00

Hydroxyurea, azacitidine and gemtuzumab ozogamicin therapy in patients with previously untreated non-M3 acute myeloid leukemia and high-risk myelodysplastic syndromes in the elderly: results from a pilot trial.

Department of Medicine, Loyola University Medical Centre, Division of Hematology Oncology, Maywood, IL 60153, USA. snand@lumc.edu

Elderly patients with acute myeloid leukemia (AML) and high-risk myelodysplastic syndromes (MDS) have a poor prognosis due to low response rates (26-46%) to standard chemotherapy and high treatment-related mortality (11-31%).

In this Phase II study, we used a combination of hydroxyurea (HU), azacitidine and low dose gemtuzumab ozogamicin (GO) to assess its efficacy and toxicity in this group of patients. Twenty patients with non-M3 AML and MDS were treated with this regimen.

The treatment was begun with HU 1500 mg orally twice daily to lower white blood cell count below 10,000/microL, followed by azacitidine 75 mg/m(2) subcutaneously for 7 days and GO 3 mg/m(2) on day 8. Patients who achieved complete remission (CR) received a consolidation course.

The median age of patients was 76 years. Eleven patients (55%) were treated in the outpatient setting. Fourteen (70%) achieved a CR, three of which were incomplete (CRi). The median duration of remission was 8 months and median survival was 10 months.

Performance status of 0-1 was associated with high complete response rate. Overall toxicity was acceptable with only one (5%) early death due to disease progression. The combination of HU, azacitdine and GO appears to be a safe and effective regimen in the treatment of AML and high risk MDS in the elderly. These results need to be confirmed in a larger cohort of patients.

More time, quality time, there is nothing I wouldn't do to be able to have had PapAmore' even the minutest amount of time longer...it's what he wanted...more time...it's what no one gave him...more time...

Advances in Acute Myeloid Leukemia

2009-06-05T20:40:00.000-04:00

Last time on Patient Power...

May 12, 2009

Advances in Acute Myeloid Leukemia
Acute Myeloid Leukemia, referred to as AML, is one of the most common adult leukemias in the United States, affecting over 13,000 people. It involves an overgrowth of immature white blood cells, leaving the body's immune system damaged. Listen to this webcast for the latest in treatment information.

Replay this broadcast

This is what "Safe" looks like

2009-06-03T21:03:00.002-04:00

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

I Am Grieving - Please Handle with Care!

2009-05-31T19:48:00.005-04:00

Help With GRIEF

“Grief is being here when in your heart, mind and soul you’d rather be there.” Paul Alexander

One is only able to navigate the grief journey by acknowleding and honoring what is true to your story of loss. Sometimes the oceans of grief flow gently and other times they are rough and harsh. The ebb and flow will surely be there as the natural order of the grief progresses, waxes and wanes. Don’t rush the ocean and as best you can ride with the waves and curl in a ball when they threathen to overpower you. You can choose how you will face the tide. Befriend your grief by giving yourself permission, time, space and supports to adjust to this new world. There is not a right or wrong way to grieve. But there are ways to honor your individual pulse and rhythm.

Elisabeth Kubler Ross, a pioneer in the field of death and dying, spoke of the stages of dying which also transferred early on to the literature of bereavement. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance became useful map points for the dying and grief process.The down side of looking at phases and stages is that one may judge oneself for not moving to the finish line. Grief is more like a hodge podge of moments than a race through to the finish line. We hear the questions in our hearts and in our minds as we engage in the difficult questions of "How do I get through today? What will trigger off my emotions? How do I sleep alone? How do I drive by the hospital where she died or go to church where the funeral was held? How can I possibly go shopping?"

There are many faces of grief .Grief is extremely personal and in many ways grieving requires one to be active to move forward and to a new normal.It's different than recovering from an illness. It doesn’t just get better in time ,although time continues to challenge us in facing the realities of our present circumstances and life attitude. Grieving is not passive although at times we feel done unto. Grief certainly makes us different than we were before the loss. Our personalities endure and reformulate to integrate and make sense of life without a significant living connection.

We may look the same but the inner workings and rewiring of our heart strings and temperament need time and processing. I think we need more clothing or hats to wear when we are in facing the fires of grief....or perhaps wear a grief cast or sign that says: "Please Handle with Care!" My heart is hurting and my mind is working overtime to make sense of it all. Will someone listen long enough and not think I’m crazy or smile at me or pat my hand with a sympathic puppy dog look? I want you to know I’m in different terrain now.

In an attempt to understand the grief process on a universal scale it is sometimes tempting to get locked into the phases and stages syndrome of grief.It perhaps helps us feel in control or understand better what seems a roller coaster of emotions and other responses. It is important to remember not to pigeon hole yourself or those you love or support into a model of orderly progression that leads to a certificate of completion. Grief can be unpredictable and how I grieve may look different than how you are grieving...

You were there and now you are here. Breathe deeply, rest often, nurture every aspect of your being and honor the life and love you have experienced through action, reminiscence and creative expression.

Reflecting

2009-05-17T16:37:00.001-04:00

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

My Dad is Coming Home!

I am a 33 year old Mother of 2, hardly a child anymore, much too big really to completely justify sitting in my Daddy's lap, but today I am 4 years old again, standing at the door with uncontrollable excitement, ready to bound outside at any moment and jump back into my Daddy's arms.

He has been "gone" for seemingly forever now, having spent nearly 6 weeks in the hospital, highly isolated from the majority of human contact, fighting to conquer this monster called AML, Acute Mylenogeous Leukemia.

ODEE WELCOMED ...YET ANOTHER ...

2009-05-14T21:59:00.002-04:00

ODEE WELCOMED ...YET ANOTHER ...

THE LAST FEW WEEKS ....HAVE BEEN SPENT WITH MY [WANDA] MOM.
AS WE HER CHILDREN GATHERED AROUND HER BED ...SINGING "GOD BE WITH YOU UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN" SHE QUIETLY SLIPPED INTO HER HEAVENLY HOME.

IN THE LAST FEW WEEKS OF HER LIFE , MOM PICKED UP HER STILLED PAINT BRUSHES AND AS ONLY A ARTIST WOULD DO ....SHE PAINTED HER LIFE STORY

HER MIND, WHICH HAD BECOME DIM IN HER DECLINING YEARS, SURGED WITH VIBRANT COLORS ...NOT SEEN FOR SOME TIME ...AS SHE CHOSE A UNIQUE COLOR FOR EACH OF HER CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN ... SHE WAS ABLE TO EXPRESS HER LOVE FOR US.

AS WE RESPONDED...WITH OUR COLOR OF GRADITUDE AND LOVE...THEIR WAS A BLENDING OF SUCH BEAUTY...

WITH RENEWED HASTE ...THE BRUSH STROKES WERE LARGER..AND THE COLORS MORE VIBRANT AS SHE EXPRESSED HER LOVE FOR HER LORD ....

AS SHE OBSERVED HER WORK...THERE STILL SEEM TO BE A COLOR THAT SHE WAS SERACHING FOR ...AND AS SHE QUIETLY ...PUT DOWN HER BRUSHES..[AS IT MUST BE WITH ALL OF US]....HER LORD PICKED UP THE BRUSH ...TOOK THE COLOR OF GRACE ....POURED IT OVER HER PAINTING ...

THE FINISHED WORK .....A MASTERPIECE...ORDAINED BY HER MASTER ...

WILLIMINA GRASHUIS ..APRIL 3 1919....MAY 9 2009

AGAIN ...WE NEED PRAYERS ...AS WE SAY ANOTHER GOOD BYE...

Do not give up. Believe. Fight. Love.

2009-05-11T02:20:00.001-04:00

Friday, January 9, 2009

Hope, love, life

It seems like it is never often enough that we get the chance to spread the messages of hope, faith, life, or love. We're so busy living our own lives, taking for granted our own miracles and blessings that we forget that everyday there is a family struggling to face that which but for the grace of God we go.

Earlier this year I was facing serious medical concerns. All initial tests and symptoms pointed to AML (Acute Myelogenous Leukemia) and when I started the research my heart and stomach hit the floor before my knees could to pray. However, after a month of in and out testing and several doctors later- it was discovered that I have SLE (Systemic Lupus Erythematosus, just "Lupus" for short). I will admit that it hasn't been easy, and there are times I find myself struggling more with the anger and hurt of being sick more than the actual symptoms themselves. However- I have never been more humble than I am today.

At the same time that I was facing my diagnosis a friend of mine's father was getting sick. He was eventually tested, and diagnosed with AML, and has struggled through treatment and to keep one step ahead of this disease for the better part of the last year. Recently his Dr. told him that he had lost the battle and that there was nothing else they could do for him.

His doctor obviously didn't know my friend Sara (the patients daughter) or the strength, love, energy, and power that this woman carries with her in her heart.

Maybe there is nothing else THAT Dr. could do for PapaAmore, but there is so much WE can do for him. Pray. Research. Make calls. Ask questions. Help find resources, studies, treatments. Everyone knows someone who holds the solution to another person's problems, it's all about network. And it's all about getting the word out. To each other, to God.

Do not give up. Believe. Fight. Love.

http://papamore.blogspot.com/

I invite you, no, I beg you to visit Sara's blog, the journey of her father's fight for his life, her fight for his life. So many miracles are already happening, so quickly.. already he has a new Dr., a new medicine, an invitation to the University of Chicago Lukemia center, someone who has offered to fly him.

The wheels are turning, God is listening. Be a part of something great. Even if all you can do is read, and pass the link on to someone else. If you can't help- you know someone who can, you just may not realize it.

There but for the grace of God go I..

Advances in Acute Myeloid Leukemia

2009-05-08T19:45:00.000-04:00


	May 8, 2009
Join us for episodes of Patient Power with Andrew Schorr. Patient Power is a cancer webcast that represents the patient's point of view and connects you with respected M. D. Anderson Cancer Center medical experts, inspiring patients, survivors and family members. This series of informative cancer podcasts focuses on cancer prevention, the latest cancer treatments and technologies and other things you'll want to know when making decisions about cancer care.
Next on Patient Power...
Tuesday, May 12, 2009 Advances in Acute Myeloid Leukemia Acute Myeloid Leukemia, referred to as AML, is one of the most common adult leukemias in the United States, affecting over 13,000 people. It involves an overgrowth of immature white blood cells, leaving the body's immune system damaged. Listen to this webcast for the latest in treatment information. Listen to this broadcast on May 12th

My Dad is PapAmore'

Our baby brother "ie. lil' Odee" - video by Anna

3 years later ...

Introducing ... "Papa's boy"

Parenting Lesson by Papa - Never Give Up

The Whisper of Hope I Long to Hear

Have Thy Own Way, Lord ~ So Sang Your Life

4th of July Fireworks - Bitterweet Beauty Without You Here

Questions for AML Patients to ask their Doctors

What is Non-Hospice Palliative Care?

Now THAT'S (Pap)Amore!

happy papa's day, dad ... xoxo

In Older AML Patients, Decitabine Showed Survival Advantage Over Standard Therapies

Just to have you back again ...

Poems in Remembrance of Fathers

Just wait - peace will come

When I Get Where I'm Going - Don't Cry For Me Down Here

A Poem About My Papa by Anna Grace Elizabeth, age 9

God's Words of Comfort (as recited by Papa's Mimi, age four)

Psalm 121 (song of ascents)

My Grief - My Status

It is Okay to Deal with Grief in Your Own Way

Finally Found Back My "Happy When I Think Of You Grin"

I want you to remember him

Two Years Closer to Heaven and You

My Father, C.S. Lewis

It's not for naught, thanks for the lesson, Papa

Happy 2011 ... one year closer to being forever with our Papa ... much left to do for many in the meantime ...

Christmas is a Bittersweet Time for the Bereaved

Tune in to hear me (Sara Huizenga of Peace4 the Missing) on "Cope With Hope" Getting Through the Holidays Special Radio Series

Outrageously Loved

She's really hurting ...

Papa, Mimi and Great

Grief Self Portrait

Fixing a broken heart is not a DIY job

Crap, it's my birthday

He "left" the way he lived ... answering His call

Oh yeah? Well, MY Papa is NEIGHBORS with GOD!!!

"The" Song You Sang From Heaven

Happy Birthday Papa

Souls that have been Soaked in Tears

To Cherish

Papa's First Birthday in Heaven

Papa's 1st Christmas in Heaven

PapAmore' Playlist

Papa/Nana's Song

Grief ends when we let go of the tail

"Finally Over" Tomorrow

Dreadful without You, Birthday of Mine

Precious New Find

Familiar Heartache

Online Radio Show, Hope for the Heart

What You Would Want Me To Do

THE! Most Important Thing

I’d like to become a Christian, what do I do?

You must turn from your sins.

And turn to God.

Be Baptised in the name of Jesus.

Receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

Nobody can pray for you to become a Christian; you have to do that for yourself. But how?

Looking at Life through Papa's Girls Eyes

BEAT CANCER, WITH LEMONADE

Simple Steps to Participating in Lemonade Days

because cancer did not win

Happy Was.......

We Never Gave Up On Each Other

Embrace Your "Living Years"

Another "Nana" Gets Her Wings

Incredibly Wise, yet just enough silly, You

Heaven's Perfect Tenor

Ways to Remember Another Rituals

I Know He Watches Over Me

Anna's Dreams About Her Papa

When You Miss Your Father Every Day

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