I Am Grieving - Please Handle with Care!

Help With GRIEF “Grief is being here when in your heart, mind and soul you’d rather be there.” Paul Alexander One is only able to navigate the grief journey by acknowleding and honoring what is true to your story of loss. Sometimes the oceans of grief flow gently and other times they are rough and harsh. The ebb and flow will surely be there as the natural order of the grief progresses, waxes and wanes. Don’t rush the ocean and as best you can ride with the waves and curl in a ball when they threathen to overpower you. You can choose how you will face the tide. Befriend your grief by giving yourself permission, time, space and supports to adjust to this new world. There is not a right or wrong way to grieve. But there are ways to honor your individual pulse and rhythm. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, a pioneer in the field of death and dying, spoke of the stages of dying which also transferred early on to the literature of bereavement. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance became useful map points for the dying and grief process.The down side of looking at phases and stages is that one may judge oneself for not moving to the finish line. Grief is more like a hodge podge of moments than a race through to the finish line. We hear the questions in our hearts and in our minds as we engage in the difficult questions of "How do I get through today? What will trigger off my emotions? How do I sleep alone? How do I drive by the hospital where she died or go to church where the funeral was held? How can I possibly go shopping?" There are many faces of grief .Grief is extremely personal and in many ways grieving requires one to be active to move forward and to a new normal.It's different than recovering from an illness. It doesn’t just get better in time ,although time continues to challenge us in facing the realities of our present circumstances and life attitude. Grieving is not passive although at times we feel done unto. Grief certainly makes us different than we were before the loss. Our personalities endure and reformulate to integrate and make sense of life without a significant living connection. We may look the same but the inner workings and rewiring of our heart strings and temperament need time and processing. I think we need more clothing or hats to wear when we are in facing the fires of grief....or perhaps wear a grief cast or sign that says: "Please Handle with Care!" My heart is hurting and my mind is working overtime to make sense of it all. Will someone listen long enough and not think I’m crazy or smile at me or pat my hand with a sympathic puppy dog look? I want you to know I’m in different terrain now. In an attempt to understand the grief process on a universal scale it is sometimes tempting to get locked into the phases and stages syndrome of grief.It perhaps helps us feel in control or understand better what seems a roller coaster of emotions and other responses. It is important to remember not to pigeon hole yourself or those you love or support into a model of orderly progression that leads to a certificate of completion. Grief can be unpredictable and how I grieve may look different than how you are grieving... You were there and now you are here. Breathe deeply, rest often, nurture every aspect of your being and honor the life and love you have experienced through action, reminiscence and creative expression.