Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Your Hands

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Support From Others

Author Unknown

Don’t tell me that you understand.
Don’t tell me that you know.
Don’t tell me that I will survive,
How I will surely grow.
Don’t come at me with answers
That can only come from me.
Don’t tell me how my grief will pass,
That I will soon be free.
Accept me in my ups and downs.
I need someone to share.
Just hold my hand and let me cry
And say, “My friend, I care.”

Grieving a loss can be a tricky thing

the pain of loss

Grieving a loss can be a tricky thing.  Whether it's a job, or a relationship, or a friend, losing something or someone that means a lot to you is so hard.  We're all familiar with the stages of grief, but what's hardest when you're going through it is the way it can come back and hit you when you seem to be feeling Just Fine...

You know how it is.  You're working through things.  You've come to terms with the loss, you're facing reality.  You're going to be Just Fine, really...

And then the pain comes back. In waves, sometimes, or maybe in a huge body blow that just takes you out.  And you're stunned.  Sometimes you cry, sometimes you just withdraw. Sometimes you just carry on and nobody is the wiser.  But for whatever amount of time, the pain will win.  You can't control it.

After awhile, you regain a bit of yourself and wonder, Why? How can that be happening when I'm doing So Much Better?  In fact, I told several people today how I'm Just Fine.  Why am I still being affected by this?  How can this be happening?

Maybe it's because there's a part of us that fights the loss.  Maybe this is the thing they call "denial"... but it stays there, longer than it should, longer than it's useful....  It fights reality.  It says, This is Wrong... it's not fair!  this loss, it's wrong - this shouldn't be.  And yes, it's true, maybe it shouldn't, but that doesn't help. That piece of you that's in denial, it just allows that pain to come flooding back.  It's the thing you have to let go of, in order to heal... but how do you let go?  The memory of what has been, could have been, the things you loved... isn't it disrespectful to let go?  How can I let it go....

and then the pain recedes... and you regain control... and everything's ok. 

For now. 

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Need You In Sight

What is going on?

I don't understand...

Life without your presence...

Oh Papa, without you...
it's so hard to go on...

We need you most now,
Yet now...
It seems you're no where in sight...

Please, God...
we need our Papa in sight...

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Patient Information Resources

American Society for Blood and Marrow Transplantation
85 W Algonquin Rd., Ste. 550 
Arlington Heights, IL  60005  
Phone: 847-427-0224 
Blood and Marrow Transplant Information Network
2310 Skokie Valley Rd., Ste. 104 
Highland Park, IL  60035  
Phone: 847-433-3313
Toll Free: 888-597-7674 
Childhood Leukemia Center

Leukemia Research Foundation
3520 Lake Ave., Ste. 202 
Wilmette, IL  60091  
Toll Free: 888-558-5385 
Phone: 847-424-0600 
National Bone Marrow Transplant Link
20411 West 12 Mile Rd., Ste. 108 
Southfield, MI  48076  
Phone: 248-358-1886
Toll Free: 800-LINK-BMT (800-546-5268) 
National Marrow Donor Program
3001 Broadway St., NE, Ste. 100 
Minneapolis, MN  55413-1753  
Phone: 800-MARROW2 (800-627-7692)
Pat. Adv.: 888-999-6743 
The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society
1311 Mamaroneck Ave., Ste. 130 
White Plains, NY  10605  
Toll Free: 800-955-4572 
The Myelodysplastic Syndromes Foundation
P.O. Box 353 
P.O. BOX 353 
Crosswicks, NJ  08515  
Phone: 800-MDS-0839 (800-637-0839) 

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

maybe life hasn't been incredibly lucky for me

You know, considering all the crap of late in my own life, I was thinking...perhaps some people, with seemingly some semi-good reasons, might think that maybe life hasn't been incredibly lucky for me.

But...the more I learn about others, the many different souls on our planet, who they are, what they know, who they have and have had in their lives...the more I know about me, who I am, what I've had, who I know, who I knew, who is in my life, what my life really looks like....I don't think, no...I know, without a doubt...I'm not "unlucky" at all.

I am the lucky one...and not just in comparison to the ones with tragic stories of their own...I realize, more so everyday...that it is I, me, myself...I am the one who is so incredibly lucky...beyond words blessed and infinitely fortunate...

Because...for just one, yet very important of a one reason...I know that nearly every person on the universe will never have an earthly Father love them like Papa loved me...not every child is blessed enough to actually have had a taste of what our Heavenly Father's love is like in flesh and blood form...but, I did...because of him, I do know...and I am lucky...I am so lucky...I am so blessed....

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

Sunday, April 12, 2009

How to Find a Clinical Trial Online

Finding a Clinical Trial   

This section has been reviewed and approved by the Cancer.Net Editorial Board,  11/06

Talking with your doctor is usually the best way to find a clinical trial. Because new trials are continually enrolling, many people also look in other places to find clinical trials. The organizations below list cancer clinical trials. Please note that if you select one of these websites, you will leave Cancer.Net.

TrialCheck: The American Society of Clinical Oncology (ASCO) is collaborating with the Coalition of Cancer Cooperative Groups, a network of cancer clinical trials specialists, to offer TrialCheck through Cancer.Net. TrialCheck is a search tool developed by the Coalition of Cancer Cooperative Groups to assist you in locating cancer clinical trials.

CenterWatch: A publishing and information services company that offers a list of institutional review board (IRB)-approved clinical trials.

EmergingMed Navigator: EmergingMed offers a phone and Internet-based service that identifies clinical trial options which match a patient’s specific diagnosis, stage and treatment history. Clinical trial specialists provide telephone support upon request to help connect eligible patients with institutional review board (IRB)-approved study sites that are currently enrolling patients.

National Cancer Institute (NCI) Clinical Trials: The NCI, part of the National Institutes of Health, is the federal agency that provides funding for most cancer clinical trials. This site provides information on both open and closed cancer clinical trials that are funded by the government, pharmaceutical companies, and some international organizations.

People who want more guidance on finding a clinical trial may want to try these sources.

  • Getting a second opinion from an oncologist with expertise in cancer clinical trials

  • Contacting a patient information resource for a specific type of cancer

  • Contacting the company that makes a specific drug or treatment

  • Calling a local or regional cancer center

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Are you the Grandpa who was in Jail?!

Yes, our "angelic" Papa has a "criminal" past.

His walk on the "dark side" began quite early on in his life, specifically at the easily "tempted to fall" age of fourteen. Thankfully, as far as we know (according to him) his time spent at the big house was a singular event.

And so the story begins with a summer's evening, a vegetable garden, some over-ripe tomatoes, a (somewhat klutzy) woman in high heeled shoes, a back alley, a determined member of the Chicago Law Enforcement and a small group of neighborhood boys. The components of this story are, on their own, quite innocent, but put them together and as you will see, you've got yourself a recipe for disaster where the lives of four young boys are about to take a turn for the worse...time behind bars, that's right...JAIL.

According to Papa, he can't remember which one of these four boys initially came up with the idea to commit a crime that warm summer's night. However, since I know him so well, I can tell you that could only mean one thing...it was without a doubt, his idea.

And so the story goes, "way back when" in Chicago, four boys took a shortcut down a neighborhood alley one early summer evening, on their way home. On this alley, on the edge of a backyard, was a garden. Not just any old garden, think more along the lines of...the garden of good and evil, but then change the trees to tomato plants and the fresh apples to dirty, old, starting to rot, near ketchup state, well...tomatoes. Can you see it? Okay then, we can move on...

Well one of those suckers (ahem, Arend 'Odee' Lenderink) gets this fancy idea to throw the slimy things over this house and onto the main street on the other side. Maybe adds in a point thing too, like 5 points for hitting a car, 10 points for splatting a bike, I really don't know about the point part for sure though, just making that part up.

The four juvenile delinquents are having a marvelous time, raising mayhem and malarkey, really getting into the criminal side of them they were currently living out, in real life. Amidst this all, unbeknown to them, a fancy lady, wearing fancy shoes, is walking down the sidewalk. Now, high heels and slimy tomato bombs on the ground aren't the best match, well, at least in regards to safety concerns, they are none too good together. Slip, slap, down she goes, with a sprained ankle to boot.

To make a long story shorter, lady calls cops. Now, this cop is a rookie, this is one of his first assignments you see, (I'm making the rookie part up too, please forgive me) and he is 110% determined to prosecute the perpetrators responsible. And due to his determination, law enforcement was successful that warm summer's evening and the law breakers were found, on the ground, half buried in a combination of rotten tomatoes and dirt.

And despite the criminals cries of repentance along with more than a few "please don't tell my mommy!" pleas, justice is served and they are marched all three blocks over to the local jail, thrown behind bars and locked up with a key.

Now, I'm not sure if you know this or not, but Papa is the oldest. If you had ever met Grandma Zwaanstra, you would know that already, for that's all she called him, my oldest, the oldest of nine, all the time...in fact, his very siblings thought his actual name was "My oldest" up until he graduated from high school and the name Arend was read off. They looked at each other with a "huh, wha?" and a "who is Arend? I thought our brother's name was My Oldest..." Anyhow, I regress...

Funny part, I mean, not "funny" funny, just...okay, it's funny. Who is the only one able to bail these boys out of jail? The, just so happens to be, only one available, Papa's Dad, who also just so happens to be in a Council meeting at Church. And as a result is called out of it, where he is vocally and LOUDLY told that his son is in the slammer over at the local J-A-I-L.

So, what does this Conservative, Church Council Member, Father of Nine do? He goes over to the jail, rescues them from prison sentences and (laughing all the way) walks them each home. The only punishment, if you could call it that is at one point saying "well you dumdums, I bet you won't do anything that stupid again, hehe" and leaves it at that. Upon hearing this part of the story, I knew for certain that what others said really was, without a single doubt, true, my Dad is just like his Dad, to the T.

As our Papa told his grandchildren this story, their eyes became as wide as saucers, so enthralled to now know that their family has a criminal past. They even bragged about it to the other kids at school, how their Papa has been in jail before, they made it into such a marvelous story that Papa became somewhat of a celebrity at their school and was even given the title of the Grandpa who was in J-A-I-L.

So when on Grandparents day at school, when Papa and Nana arrive...well, of course you now know the reason behind the title of this story.

And as they screamed out "Are you the Grandpa who was in Jail?!"

Our Papa just beamed and proudly admitted that yes, that was he.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Novel therapeutic approaches overcoming AML drug-resistance

Despite advances in systemic and supportive therapies, MM remains incurable due to intrinsic or acquired chemotherapeutic resistance. High-dose chemotherapy with stem cell transplantation has significantly extended progression-free and overall survival, but cures few, if any, patients. Novel therapeutic approaches overcoming drug-resistance are therefore urgently needed in MM. The interaction of MM cells with extracellular matrix (ECM) proteins and BM stromal cells (SCs), as well as other components in the BM milieu (ie, osteoblast, osteoclast, vascular endothelial cells), plays a crucial role in MM cell pathogenesis and drug resistance. Importantly, novel biologically-based treatments which target not only the MM cell, but also the MM cell interaction with other accessory cells and cytokines/growth factors in the BM milieu, can overcome resistance to conventional therapies in both preclinical and clinical studies, and have great promise to improve patient outcome in MM.

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

Friday, April 3, 2009

Stolen by AML, Saved by Grace

Thursday, April 2, 2009

The Hands of Jesus at Work

Today God spoke to me through these nearly angelic souls that I actually discovered online...many of the very things that the deepest part of my soul has been crying out for since my Dad died...these people...they are implementing them, they are actively creating them, I am so grateful beyond words to have discovered these people and this knowledge.

Thank you, Greg Schneider, thank you...because of people like you all of us now have such amazing blessings such as the Community Outreach Program in Education (COPE)Hospice Educators Affirming Life (HEAL) ProjectHospice Volunteer Association (HVA)Hannah's Friends and soon to be the Hospice Volunteer Training Institute

The HEAL Project's Community Outreach Program - Info Letter Series

The dying teach those of us who bear witness as volunteer caregivers what is truly important in life. That is, to love one another and care for each other with tenderness and compassion. The caregiving experience is one that can be transformative.

Hospice volunteers often experience the frequent expressions of awe and disbelief by the dying and their families that such a place as a hospice could even exist. The care and support they received was often a new experience and it was accepted with intense gratitude. As a result it became quite clear that a grassroots public education effort was needed to make more families aware of hospice and its benefits.

The various Info Letter series strive to initiate that grassroots effort by offering the public an online downloadable resource of free information on caring for dying adults and children.

Series I - Caring for a Terminally ill Loved One - Making Compassionate Choices: this series focuses on the various facets of caregiving starting with the diagnosis of a terminal illness through to death and the bereavement period that follows.

Series II - Caring for a Child Approaching the End of Life and Keeping the Family Together: Families that are caring for a child with a life-limiting or life-threatening illness face formidable emotional, psychological and spiritual challenges. This series provides useful information that will help guide and support them on their journey, easing the uncertainty of what lies ahead.

Hospice Community Forum

Blog I made for my Dad ~ Arend "Odee" Lenderink
For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink