| “Grief is being here when in your heart, mind and soul you’d rather be there.” Paul Alexander One is only able to navigate the grief journey by acknowleding and honoring what is true to your story of loss. Sometimes the oceans of grief flow gently and other times they are rough and harsh. The ebb and flow will surely be there as the natural order of the grief progresses, waxes and wanes. Don’t rush the ocean and as best you can ride with the waves and curl in a ball when they threathen to overpower you. You can choose how you will face the tide. Befriend your grief by giving yourself permission, time, space and supports to adjust to this new world. There is not a right or wrong way to grieve. But there are ways to honor your individual pulse and rhythm. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, a pioneer in the field of death and dying, spoke of the stages of dying which also transferred early on to the literature of bereavement. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance became useful map points for the dying and grief process.The down side of looking at phases and stages is that one may judge oneself for not moving to the finish line. Grief is more like a hodge podge of moments than a race through to the finish line. We hear the questions in our hearts and in our minds as we engage in the difficult questions of "How do I get through today? What will trigger off my emotions? How do I sleep alone? How do I drive by the hospital where she died or go to church where the funeral was held? How can I possibly go shopping?" We may look the same but the inner workings and rewiring of our heart strings and temperament need time and processing. I think we need more clothing or hats to wear when we are in facing the fires of grief....or perhaps wear a grief cast or sign that says: "Please Handle with Care!" My heart is hurting and my mind is working overtime to make sense of it all. Will someone listen long enough and not think I’m crazy or smile at me or pat my hand with a sympathic puppy dog look? I want you to know I’m in different terrain now.
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