Grieving a loss can be a tricky thing

the pain of loss

Grieving a loss can be a tricky thing.  Whether it's a job, or a relationship, or a friend, losing something or someone that means a lot to you is so hard.  We're all familiar with the stages of grief, but what's hardest when you're going through it is the way it can come back and hit you when you seem to be feeling Just Fine...

You know how it is.  You're working through things.  You've come to terms with the loss, you're facing reality.  You're going to be Just Fine, really...

And then the pain comes back. In waves, sometimes, or maybe in a huge body blow that just takes you out.  And you're stunned.  Sometimes you cry, sometimes you just withdraw. Sometimes you just carry on and nobody is the wiser.  But for whatever amount of time, the pain will win.  You can't control it.

After awhile, you regain a bit of yourself and wonder, Why? How can that be happening when I'm doing So Much Better?  In fact, I told several people today how I'm Just Fine.  Why am I still being affected by this?  How can this be happening?

Maybe it's because there's a part of us that fights the loss.  Maybe this is the thing they call "denial"... but it stays there, longer than it should, longer than it's useful....  It fights reality.  It says, This is Wrong... it's not fair!  this loss, it's wrong - this shouldn't be.  And yes, it's true, maybe it shouldn't, but that doesn't help. That piece of you that's in denial, it just allows that pain to come flooding back.  It's the thing you have to let go of, in order to heal... but how do you let go?  The memory of what has been, could have been, the things you loved... isn't it disrespectful to let go?  How can I let it go....

and then the pain recedes... and you regain control... and everything's ok. 

For now.