He Always Made Sure We Were Okay...

On Christmas Day, 2008...we celebrated Jesus' birth with our PapAmore' ~

"Papa and Nana" picked the girls and I up that day to go over to my sister's house, which is about 30 minutes away and where we were having the party.  

I was a bit concerned about this Christmas, being without my girl's Father there, yet knowing it was still okay, because, infinite praises to God, Papa WAS THERE.  And seeing how proud he was of me, how much more relieved Papa was to know that the girls and my lives were now able to experience a life without constant continuous fear and shame...I carry that in my heart, it gives me the strength to do the right thing and be the single parent my girls deserve...  

I'll get better if you do, he told me, no more of this, Papa said as he took my face in his big as the world hands, no more of his abuse, no more of his sick ways, we can finally have you back now, it's going to be such a great Christmas day...

And so when they pulled up to our house that day, he scooped them up, as he always did, and safely tucked and buckled them into the car.

My Dad must have known that I was feel a little concerned about this day, this first Christmas of my girls now broken home....I remember him purposely catching my eye in the rearview mirror and winking at me, as if to say, it's going to be okay...

And, it was okay...it was better than okay, it was great...

We sang Christmas songs on the way, Papa turned off the radio and we just sang with our own voices, how he loved to sing!  

And the whole way there, I noticed him checking in his rearview mirror to make sure I was okay, he always made sure we were okay...

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

a crimson hue of grief

My pain bleeds vividly.

a crimson hue of grief

It startles those who see it.

the intensity of its color

I miss him in red.

with passion and boldness

The earth is eternally wounded.

he left a crater behind

All this leftover love.

the beauty of the mourning

Talking to your younger and/or school age child about your cancer...

Great podcast found HERE, some highlights from below...

• Talk to them about your cancer, share information with them. By not doing so you may be (unintentionally) pushing them towards spying tactics in order to gain information.  Clear accurate age appropriate information.
• Assure them that nothing they did, said or thought caused the cancer.
• Find a way for them to "help" you...allowing them to do so will benefit and empower the child.
• Comfort, comfort, comfort them.  Reassure them that feelings are okay.

Can I get it from you?
Cancer is not "catchy" ~ it's not a germ.

Who will take care of me?
Assure them that they will be cared for...keep routines as normal as possible.   You're so important, we've already thought of this and have set it up for you.  Make plans and say YES to help.  Consistency is Key

Is the "non-cancer" parent okay?
Assure them, tell them the doctor says they're healthy, etc.

Will you die?
If you know your disease is advanced do not make false promises. Tell them that the doctor is giving you very strong medicine and you're doing everything that you can to fight this and take care of yourself.

Fantastic Resource Link...

http://www.cancercare.org/

Support services to help patients cope with the emotional and social impacts of a cancer diagnosis must be included in the standard care patients receive, urges a report from the National Academies' Institute of Medicine (IOM).

Using This Book

This book is meant to be a tool to assist you in talking to young children.  It is not meant to make things more difficult or complicated for you as you are dealing with cancer.  By providing you with a choice of pages and topics, we hope that you can use exactly what feels right to you in helping your children understand and cope with cancer in the family.  Please do not stress about which pages to choose, or how many pages to utilize.  After using the book once or twice, your children’s responses will guide you to the next choice of pages and topics.

Missing Papa "Movie" Finale'

Find more videos like this on Maggie's Rose

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

Why?

Why didn't you fight for him?

Why didn't you tell us how to face the horrific battle?

Why did you ignore his soul's pleas to live?

Why?

Why did you put my dying Father "on hold" with no hope?

Why didn't you try harder?

Why didn't you share information with us on Palliative Care?

Why?

Why didn't you offer him even one minute option?

Why were you so threatened by a second opinion?

Why were desperate calls for any hope at all so "inconvenient" for you?

Why?

Why didn't you care more?

Why did you, seemingly, not care at all?

Why didn't you value the life of my Father?

Why?

PapAmore' "Press"

Thanks Peace4 "Gwennie" for sharing...xoxo

http://peace4missing.ning.com/profile/GwenJohnson

My Dad LOVED this Poem, which says an awful lot of GOOD about Him

A "Mother's Day" Poem

*Just for this morning...      I am going to step over

the laundry,  and pick you up and take you to the park to play. 

*Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes 

in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of 

yours together. 

*Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and 

keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and 

blow bubbles. 

*Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, 

not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the 

ice cream truck and I will buy you one if he comes by. 

*Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about 

what you are going t o be when you grow up, or second guess 

every decision I have made where you are concerned . 

*Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, 

and I won't stand over you trying to fix them. 

*Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy 

us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys. 

*Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you 

a story about how you were born and how much I love you. 

*Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and 

not get angry. 

*Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit 

on the porch and count all the stars. 

*Just for this evening, I will snuggle besideyou for hours, 

and miss my favorite TV shows. 

*Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair 

as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the 

greatest gift ever given. 

*I will think about the mothers And fathers who are searching 

for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are 

visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and 

mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching 

their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that 

they can't handle it anymore. 

*And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter, 

a little longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and 

ask Him for nothing, except one more day............. 

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

Oh, my papa

Oh, my papa, to me he was so wonderful Oh, my papa, to me he was so good No one could be, so gentle and so lovable Oh, my papa, he always understood. Gone are the days when he could take me on his knee And with a smile he'd change my tears to laughter Oh, my papa, so funny, so adorable Always the clown so funny in his way Oh, my papa, to me he was so wonderful Deep in my heart I miss him so today.

For PapAmore', Arend 'Odee' Lenderink

http://papamore.blogspot.com

It's Hard to Live without Hope

It was Tuesday evening, January 6th, 2009

My own little girls were on a scheduled visit with their father for a few hours and I was at my parents along with my sister eating tacos, all four of us together, at their "breakfast" table.

My Dad was feeling good, he was already on his second taco, I was filming him telling some of his favorite memories and his eyes were dancing in response to the joy he had for life, for us, for the memories he was sharing, for the time we were presently having...

The "C-word" was still looming, but the hope we had discovered that day had lifted enough for us to be able to breathe again a bit...it felt so good to have even just a glimmer of hope again...we could smile now, even laugh, really enjoy each other's presence.

Ironically hope actually had been found online, frantic googling for a glimmer of it was ultimately successful!   For just hours earlier I had stumbled upon this term we'd all never heard of before called Palliative Care.  

As it turned out, platelets were NOT THE ONLY thing that could be done for my Dad!  There were other options, clearer directions, definite comfort for his pain, even potential treatments available for the man who supposedly had none.  

Palliative Care had given us some hope back that day, the mere knowledge of it alone provided such an immeasurable gift of healing to our pain laden hopeless hearts.

My Dad died five days later, but those all too brief moments of hope, I will always cherish.  

I carry them in my heart today and even now, just over a week since he moved to Heaven, they are somewhat able to soothe the intense pain of losing him.  

If I could live forever in only one moment, it was that one...the moment we found hope again...it's so hard to live without hope...

Please contact your local elected officials today and urge them to increase Palliative Care Awareness via the most effective manner possible.

If You Don't Respect Life, How Are You Able To Save It?

God created life so that it would be cherished, respected and treated with divine care.

Would you feel comfortable going to a Physician who purposely withheld VITAL resources regarding your LIFE?

If you work in the Medical Field and have a patient lying in bed, shivering from cold temperatures, would you put a blanket over them?

If you saw a small child playing alone in the middle of the street, would you move them to the sidewalk before danger approached?

If you happened across a blind man dying of thirst, would you lead him to the nearby drinking fountain?

Do you send your child out to play in the snow with bare feet?

Do you put your Grandparent ailing from Alzheimer's in charge of keeping track of all of your family's weekly activities?

Stupid Questions...Common Sense

Would a Cancer Doctor at the very least, share a folder of Hospice and Palliative Care Resources (of which, btw...are not the same thing) with her Patient during their "Medically, you've run out of options, basically you'll be dead soon" Meeting?

Stupid Question...Common Sense

Right??!!

Astoundingly, it's not...as I am sadly discovering it is not COMMON SENSE for many Cancer Doctors...how could this be??!!!

The very ones whom others trust with their VERY LIVES...not respecting it??!!!

The reality of this is terrifying for us all, because one thing we ALL will have in common is dying...

PLEASE do your part to increase Awareness of Hospice and Palliative Care.

Do you Respect Life?  And if so, how could you not?

My Dad's Cancer Doctor never shared Palliative Care Resources with him at anytime...the only way we found out about it was through a lucky search on the Internet...so regarding this issue, in a sad, albeit strange way...Google was able to Respect my Father, while his Oncologist was not...

I love my Dad (Arend 'Odee' Lenderink)...and I am not okay with this having happened to him nor to anyone...

For PapAmore, Palliative Care Awareness in Honor of Odee Lenderink

In Honor of PapAmore, Arend 'Odee' Lenderink...we wish to dramatically increase the amount of quality information and valuable resources shared with and available to those potentially facing the final stage of cancer.

Although incomprehensible, some physicians do not share with their patients essential knowledge of greatly aiding end of life material.  Rather they seemingly feel it is their "God given right" to singularly destroy all hope while at the same time offering no "road map" for the horrific journey most likely ahead.

When I reflect upon the dark aimlessness my parent's were dealt by my Dad's one and only Oncologist, I am so overwhelmingly sickened.  To deal another human being a "medically no more options" hand without providing them with the necessary tools to face this nightmare is beyond cruel and inhumane.

I fervently pray that none other will have to endure this agonizing path.  I can't get my Dad back now, but I can (hopefully) work towards helping others in his name.

To simply hand a patient a folder Palliative Care Resources is such an easy yet vital act. 

 

There is NO EXCUSE for ANY Physician to omit doing so...

Please a leave a comment below for our Papa, regarding 

Odee Lenderink's Palliative Care Awareness and please do not hesitate to add any suggestions and/or questions as well...

cancer respects no one

It's so painful to see your most idolized, heroic, esteemed figure treated like dirt.

Witnessing such an act threatens to destroy whatever sense of justice your life might still be able to believe is indestructible.

But...cancer respects no one.

Cancer is intimidated by none.

Cancer doesn't care about who you are or what you've done.

No human characteristics repel cancer's ugly eagerness to destroy.

So thankful that there is no cancer in Heaven.  

Try as it might, that's only one forever place that cancer can ever be...  

Cancer truly is hell.

So Much to Love about PapAmore, Odee Lenderink

1. Arend Richard Lenderink is his "official/legal" name.
2. He was the oldest of nine.
3. His father's name was also Arend and he too always went instead by Odee
4. He's pretty much completely Dutch.
5. He spoke Pig Latin
6. He performed all of the "stay-at-home-parent" duties for his first 5 girls while always working full time outside of the home.
7. He often left the wrapper around the cheese in their sandwiches, just to "make sure they were paying attention"
8. He ADORED his Father
9. He lived and told the BEST STORIES EVER
10. He had the MOST AMAZING voice, EVER
11. He was REALLY silly
12. He gave the BEST Bear Hugs
13. He was never afraid, that I (Sara) know of anyway
14. He patiently listened and heard each word
15. He made bad things better
16. He loved to paint and all of our houses have been gifted by his meticulous detail of painter perfection
17. He never preached, told stories instead to instruct and guide his children
18. Jesus was his VERY best friend
19. He never got over being COMPLETELY SMITTEN with Wanda Lenderink
20. Once he laid eyes on Wandi, he never looked at any other woman ever again
21. He was school board President when I (Sara, youngest) graduated and gave me my diploma
22. He adored the mountains
23. He loved the Great Lakes
24. He loved to go for long walks
25. He was our "safe haven"
26. He called his little ones Pizon
27. He never raised his voice in anger
28. He had the most booming, commanding voice that ever was
29. All of my (Sara) friends adored him and were terrified of him, simultaneously, at the same time
30. Although he wasn't a "crier" he often became choked up, especially out of pride in his family
31. The most important thing to him, was to know that his family would be in heaven with him someday
32. He had an irreverent sense of humor, but only in the most Christ-like way
33. He cold turkey quit smoking the moment he met my Mother, Wanda Lenderink
34. He was the most productive man to ever walk upon the face of this planet
35. His yard is far and beyond a Landscape Masterpiece
36. He played with, giggled with, cried with, worked with, traveled with, rode with, skipped with, colored with, wished with, hoped with, got in "trouble" with, swam with, sang with, prayed with and read with his Grandchildren
37. He fervently wished and prayed for "just one more week in Florida" with his beloved wife/best friend
38. He didn't want to "go" yet
39. He made us promise to keep on living if he did
40. He told each one of us that he would always be in our hearts...and he is...
41. He always had hope, up until his very last breathe
42. He is in Glory now
43. Because of him, we now long for Heaven, even more
44. His Bible is very worn and well read
45. Whatever he said, he meant

Heartwarming PapAmore Post Comment, Thank-You Anna

Sara, I don't know you but I feel as though I knew your "Papamore". First I would like to say that I am deeply sorry for your loss of what appeared to be an awesome man who you loved with your whole being and second I wanted to leave you a message so long ago, but thought you may think it's a bit weird how I stumbled upon your life. I was following another carepage months ago, and being that I am from Grand Haven, I typed "Grand Haven" in the search to make sure that there was no one in my home town that needed support. And that is when I found your daddy. I followed his journey with every update. I prayed to God for this man and his family...people that I didn't even know but came to know through his carepages, that were wonderfully written by your mother. I looked forward to updates with the hopes that this terrible monster would leave him be. Then, the update came that he was not doing well, I felt terribly. I felt as though I was losing someone that I cared about. I cried tears for the loss of this wonderful man. So anyway, I don't know where I am going with this but I wanted to tell you how awfully sorry I am for your loss. And I also wanted to let you know that not only has he touched the life of people who were close to him, but he has touched the life of complete strangers as well. I continue to read your blog and feel so bad for the pain that you endear daily. My daddy is 66 years old and I dread the day that I must lose him. Please know that I think and pray for you often. Take care and please continue to write on this amazing page dedicated to a wonderful man, that I never knew. Anna

January 17, 2009 1:44 PM

Please Help Make A Positive Change...For Everyone...For PapAmore...

EVERYONE should be Privy to certain Information, regardless of Internet Access and Skills, Physician Communication Ability, Current Ability to Absorb and/or Hear the Information at that moment, etc.

Is it really okay for ANYONE to tell another human being that due to lack of Medical Options that their life is over and THEN to send them out the door without sharing with them VITAL RESOURCES regarding AVAILABLE?!

Without googling Palliative Care and contacting them on our own, my Dad would not even have had a pain relief prescription, he was dying from AML without even a prescription for relief from the intense pain.

Please Help Make A Positive Change...For PapAmore...

For PapAmore...Are You Familiar With Palliative Care?

For PapAmore...Are You Familiar With Palliative Care?

I want to make a difference for my Dad...

EVERYONE should be Privy to certain Information, regardless of Internet Access and Skills, Physician Communication Ability, Current Ability to Absorb and/or Hear the Information at that moment, etc.

Is it really okay for ANYONE to tell another human being that due to lack of Medical Options that their life is over and THEN to send them out the door without sharing with them VITAL RESOURCES regarding AVAILABLE?!

Without googling Palliative Care and contacting them on our own, my Dad would not even have had a pain relief prescription, he was dying from AML without even a prescription for relief from the intense pain.

I can't change the whole world, but when I have seen my Hero tragically inflicted by the cruel, senseless lack of what should be a required (seemingly, sharing hospice and palliative care resources is currently not mandatory, or so we have been led to believe) distribution of a simple brochure entailing information...that is something easily remedied, imo...

The goal of palliative care is to prevent and relieve suffering and to ensure the best quality of life for patients with serious illness. It is offered simultaneously with all other appropriate medical treatment.

Letter sent out, Please Copy/Paste, Thank-You!

All that my Dad, Arend 'Odee' Lenderink , was told by his Oncologist was that medically he had no more options, he was was then sent on his way with no resources and never informed of Palliative Care, not verbally, not via print materials, no information shared in any form nor matter... http://papamore.blogspot.com/2009/01/for-papamoreare-you-familiar-with.html  

The only way that we found out about Palliative Care was through my extensive (and desperate) googling...thus on the internet I discovered Palliative Care, I immediately called the closest Palliative Care facility (St. Mary's Lacks Cancer Center) and they were wonderful, we literally cried tears of relief and comfort as they even set up a house visit at my parent's home the very next morning. (I discovered Palliative Care online 5 days before my Dad died from AML)

They were also the ones to bravely share that contrary to my Father's oncologist (Dr. Amy C. Vanderwoude) 2nd opinions are a good thing, a thing called clinical trials exist, Palliative Care is available, pain medication can be prescribed, introduced us to Hydrea, informed us that my "no options" Father was the healthiest AML patient that they had ever seen, that Hospice is another option, etc.  

In an attempt to put a positive spin on this, I would like to (if it is already a policy, all the better, I would so appreciate knowing either way please) somehow help however I might be able towards requiring that oncologist's share Palliative Care information and resources in written form...  

Prior to contact with Palliative Care, my Father (my entire Family) was left without ANY options...it was such a dark, scary, horrific time anyway and then to not have any resources or information shared by his oncologist with us...I feel compelled to ensure that others need not go through the additional agony of enforced ignorance as we were instructed to abide by and endured.  

More on my Precious Dad, Odee Lenderink, who died from AML on 1/11/09 http://papamore.blogspot.com

Thank You so much for your time and for all that you do...

Please Help Make A Positive Change...For PapAmore...

To Receive the BEST Leukemia Treatment, Be Actively Informed and Involved

For PapAmore, whose everyday life actively taught us to always give-back.

Leukemia Resources

Aplastic Anemia & MDS International Foundation, Inc Patients, families and health care professionals can benefit from these FREE services by calling 800.747.2820 or email at help@aamds.org.

National Marrow Donor Program

National Cancer Institute

Rare Cancer Alliance - Visit their Cancer Support Forums

Steve Dunn's Cancer Guide
This cancer survivor's site 

Granny Barb And Art's Leukemia Resources
includes links to medical sites, organizations, survivor stories, and much more

Medicine Online Atlas of Acute Leukemia
more technical information on Leukemia, but also includes many photos of different types

The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society
Large resource site has a good sections on leukemia, patient services, volunteering locally, discussion boards, and information on myelodysplastic syndromes.

Acute Myelogenous Leukemia Listings at DMOZ
directory just for AML and currently has about 20 listings of editor-selected AML leukemia web sites

InnerLife Wellness Center
Important information and links for Optimizing Health, Maximizing Life and Preventing Disease.

The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society BBS 

Leukemia Cancer News

What to Ask Your Doctor

How to Find Medical Information

To Obtain the Best Treatment Info & Financial Assistance contact us for a FREE INFORMATION PACKET which includes:

Cancer Hospital Locations Clinical Trials Hazardous Jobs/ Products

New Treatment Options Doctors Financial Assistance

Fill out the form below or call 1-800-913-6370.

Cancer Treatment Centers of America (CTCA) offers patients the most sophisticated forms of surgery,radiation therapy and chemotherapy in combination with complementary medicine therapies, includingnutrition therapy, naturopathic medicine, mind-body medicine, and spiritual support. If you or a loved one is exploring cancer treatment options, call 800-268-0786 or click here to chat with an Oncology Information Specialist. Our specialists are available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.  While I was at CTCA I met patients from other states who said the first doctor they went to for cancer treatment told them there was no hope. But at CTCA, they don’t kill your hopes.

BEST ADVICE...Get a VALID (meaning more than your Oncologist relaying to you that she already shared the file with so and so...) Second Opinion!!!!! (Furthermore, if your Oncologist ever discourages you to get a 'Valid' 2nd opinion...this is a RED FLAG, it's time to find a new doctor.)